


Depression

by Skyline_e



Series: Mental Health [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Depression, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-13
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2018-10-04 13:26:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 25,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10279367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Skyline_e/pseuds/Skyline_e
Summary: Ace, the fiery kid had been on the ship for almost 3 months, never stopping the assassination attempts on the captain. Not that he didn't find it amusing, much to the hot headed kid's annoyance as he never won. But why was he now suddenly acting weird?





	1. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, here is a story I’ve sort of planned for a small while and have used some time to write
> 
> And just as Psychosis, it will be mainly around mental health. I’m going to make some different stories with time and the story name will be a tell on what issue. More information about this at the end if you find this interesting
> 
> This have no pairings
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you enjoy
> 
> Read and relax

Thatch gave a half-annoyed sigh as the fire brat wasn’t too be seen in the galley. It was dinner soon and the brat had skipped both breakfast and lunch. He was probably being stupid and pouting as he hadn’t been able to win or even get close to winning in any of his attacks against Pops. But to skip out on meals was a big no no. And Ace had been here for almost 3 months now, why suddenly skip now? Especially seeing how much the bottomless pit ate. And if that brat decided to raid the pantry, Thatch would not be happy. That was fine the first month he was here, but not anymore. He had eaten in the galley before, so he was not allowed near the pantry.

He gave a quick word to Izou as he headed to drag the fire brat here, he was a hot-headed idiot and bottomless pit. He only needed a comment on food and he would literally run down the door.

He had used this before, when the kid was sulking. Food was the one thing that made everything else invalid and Ace acted almost friendly, as long as no one touched his food. When he got to the door to the room Ace had resided in, him getting a private room as he wasn’t a part of the crew yet, he gave a loud knock. When he got no response, the kid maybe ignoring him, Thatch gave another knock, knowing that would be heard, before he opened the door. ¨Acey! It’s dinner, come eat!¨ Thatch moved out of the way to make room for the kid who would run like a bullet to the galley.

After a few seconds, he gave a frown as nothing happened. Not a word, running body or something thrown at him.

Thatch peeked into the room, seeing it was really dark, seeing a shape in the bed. Was he asleep in the middle of the day? Thatch rolled his eyes. ¨Oi kid! Wakey wakey.¨ Just as he was about to go inside and wake the most likely sleeping kid, a low voice spoke up.

¨Not hungry. Go away.¨

Thatch blinked. Ace not hungry. That was wrong on many levels. ¨Come on, Ace. I even saved you a plate of dessert, you missed both lunch and breakfast.¨ He saw some small movement from the bed, the kid lying underneath the blankets. Ace was made of fire, he didn’t need that. ¨Go away.¨ Thatch gave a sigh, clearly not going to get anywhere with the moody kid. He gave a look. ¨Come out, or I’ll send Marco here.¨ No reaction. Fine, if he wanted to be like this, he would face the consequences. Thatch closed the door before he left back to the galley.

Many was already finished and had moved about their day, but many of the commanders were still there. Izou gave him a look as he lifted an eyebrow. ¨And Ace is where?¨ Thatch shook his head. ¨In bed, said he wanted to be alone.¨ Thatch looked at Marco, their mother hen, ¨He didn’t show up for breakfast or lunch, and he won’t listen to me. Please fix it.¨ Marco gave a sigh. ¨Why me, yoi? You’re his friend.¨ Thatch gave a whine. ¨But he looks up to you, he clings to you sometimes.¨ Ace often did that when he was finished with the daily assassination attempt, something he now realized he hadn’t done yet.

He might say he didn’t want to join, but he didn’t try as hard anymore. More like doing it for show, before being somewhat friendly with them, especially with him, Izou, Marco and Haruta, the ones who tried to get close to him. Izou doing it because he said Ace was a pretty kid, and wanted to dress him up. Haruta and him to play pranks, and Marco since he was the mother hen and made sure he was fine, Ace also following the first commander like a lost puppy at times.

He heard Pops give a small laugh, probably thinking it was a plan to get him. ¨Why don’t I join in on seeing how he is. Maybe he will get new energy then.¨ Thatch heard Marco giving a sigh, before shaking his head. ¨I swear, yoi. You’re supposed to not be amused by his attempts at your life.¨ The man gave a laugh at that. ¨Now, Marco. He’s just a kid, and he barely tries anymore.¨ Marco gave a sigh, ¨Fine, yoi. But you take the blame when you break something.¨ A laugh was heard again and Thatch smiled. Marco and Pops would fix it. And he would join in on this, wanting to see how Ace probably would try to do a surprise attack now.

\---x---

Whitebeard walked out of the galley, Marco beside him and looking his usual stoic self, but a hidden annoyed look. The first commander didn’t like that he was as nonchalant about the fire kid trying to kill him, but he found it amusing. It showed a tough spirit and he was hellbent, but not far from accepting to join them. He only tried in the morning and had fun the rest of the day. He hadn’t tried today, and he might just wait for the perfect opportunity. Thatch had also joined, probably to see what the kid would do. Thatch liked the rash kid, and they were a lot alike in some aspects. Ace would fit in the family perfectly.

When they got to the door, Marco was the one to knock. ¨Ace, yoi. You fine in there?¨ As he got no response, Marco giving a sigh, Whitebeard gave a knock, using little force to not break the door. ¨Ace, dinner is soon over and no food until supper.¨ That would probably do the trick, as it mentioned dinner and showed he was here, a perfect opportunity.

_But nothing happened._

Whitebeard felt a twinge of worry stir in him. Ace never let up a chance like this. And he hadn’t even tried in the morning. Maybe he was sick? But he had seemed fine yesterday. Maybe a bit less enthusiastic as the day moved by, going to bed early, but he might only be tired. Whitebeard gave a look to Marco, who had a small underlying look of worry himself. Whitebeard slowly opened the door after giving a soft, but harder knock. ¨Ace?¨ When the door opened, he had a half thought he might be rushed by an axe or something being thrown. But nothing happened.

The room was dark and he could faintly see the outline of what had to be Ace in the bed, lying under the covers. Why he laid under the covers was beyond him. Ace was made of fire, wouldn’t that be way to hot? ¨Ace?¨ Tried the captain again, not liking the lack of… well everything from Ace. Just as he was about to speak up again, to ask if he was well, a low voice spoke up from the bed.

¨I’m not getting up today.¨

Whitebeard blinked. Now really worried something was wrong. ¨Why? Are you not feeling well?¨ Maybe they should get Bay. He saw some small movement from the bed. ¨Just… because. Please leave me alone.¨

Now the captain was _really_ worried. That sounded like a plead. Ace never pleaded. Just as he was about to speak again, the shape in the bed curled more together. ¨I’m fine. Just go away. Please.¨ Whitebeard swallowed, not liking this. But he gave a slow nod none the less, understanding Ace might want a day to himself to relax. ¨Okay, Ace. Hope to see you at supper, son.¨ No reaction. Not even by the fact he called him son, something Ace hated. As he understood nothing more would happen, he slowly closed the door, hoping Ace would be fine later. They had a rule here, that if you were gone or not have eaten in a day, you go to the infirmary. Sometimes one just needed a day to oneself.

Whitebeard could see both Thatch and Marco looking at him, both looking worried, especially Thatch. ¨We can’t just leave! Something is obviously wrong! He didn’t attack or say anything and he _pleaded_!¨ The captain gave a sigh, ¨Let him be for now, he might just need some time to himself.¨ Thatch gave a small sound, not liking that at all. Marco gave a sigh, clapping Thatch on the back. ¨He will probably be back to himself by supper, yoi. If not, he will be running around tomorrow. An entire day in bed will make pent up energy.¨ Thatch gave a nod, still looking worried, but walked towards the kitchen to help with the dishes probably.

When he was a bit away, Marco turned to him. ¨I don’t like this, yoi. Ace never acts anything like this.¨ Whitebeard gave a sigh, ¨I know, son. But he have only been here for a few months, there’s much we don’t know. Let us give him the space for today.¨ Marco nodded, sending a worried look at the bedroom door.

Whitebeard really hoped Ace would be back to himself tomorrow. He’d rather have him attacking him and running around than this. He sounded so… sad, and almost desperate to be left alone. That wasn’t the Ace he knew.

But things would hopefully be back to normal tomorrow. If he still hadn’t left the room, he would tell Bay.

\---x---

The next day Whitebeard asked Marco to go and get Bay. They had knocked on Aces door last evening when it was supper, informing the kid supper was ready. And they still got no response, and left him alone, giving him space for the day. But when he had still not come out of the room during breakfast, once again informing him breakfast was ready, it was time to tell Bay. It was a rule. If one didn’t eat or come out of their room within in a day without any reason, Bay would be notified and she would take a check. Ace had been running around and active all the time he had been here, maybe having an hour to pout when he didn’t manage to kill him. But he hadn’t done anything for an entire day. Only laying in bed and pleading to be left alone, not eating or moving. He knew Ace ate a lot, so this couldn’t be good for him.

When Bay came to his room, the captain told her Ace hadn’t been out of his room for a day, mentioning he hadn’t eaten either. Bay listened and asked if they had tried anything, and he told what had happened when he had knocked yesterday during dinner. Bay had listened and said she would check. When he asked what she thought it might be based on what they told, she said it would maybe be just Ace needing space, being tired or maybe being sick. Even she knew the kid was a feisty one, having had him in the infirmary a few times, always wounding up in chaining him to the bed with seastone so he didn’t run away. she did say this was a bit alarming, especially since she knew how much he ate too. 

After speaking to the captain, Bay left to see how Ace were, having time to do that right now.

When she got to the fiery kid, she gave a quick knock before walking in. She wasn’t going to be hesitant on telling the kid to get out and stop worrying the others. She knew devil fruit users had a much greater immune system than normal people. For the kid to be sick was something she thought was wrong. Especially since he hadn’t been in any situations where he could have gotten anything dangerous. Devil fruit users never got the sniffles, and Aces fruit would just burn the regular illnesses up. The most worrisome thing was how he hadn’t been eating, and Bay would tell him her mind on that. Not eating was bad, and someone with his metabolism, he needed a lot of food to keep his body in the shape it needed to be. Skipping something as little as one day wasn’t good for him.  

When she was inside the room, she closed the door, knowing many were noisy and liked to peek in, and she hated that. She saw the still form on the bed, the entire body being under the covers. ¨Portgas, are you sick?¨ Said Bay as she walked towards the bed, not going to go around the bush, wanting to know if there were anything wrong. The kid made some movement, but didn’t say anything. Bay almost gave the sigh she felt out loud, but managed to keep it inside. She had hoped Ace would be more cooperative, but this was apparently wrong. But he usually was verbal when he didn’t want anything, not this silent and hiding away. When she was closer to the bed, she tried again, but asked if anything was wrong this time. There was some shifting form under the covers, before she heard Ace speaking, voice low. ¨I don’t want to get up.¨ This time Bay gave a sigh, ¨And why is that? You are worrying the others.¨

Bay felt a small tinge of worry when she saw the kid curl more together, as if trying to hide or disappear. Ace was a noisy and hotheaded kid, not someone who did this.

Before she could speak again or do anything, like dragging the covers off as she wanted too, she noticed a bottle on the small table next to the bed. A medicine bottle, an empty medicine bottle.

The first thought that hit her was that he had stolen some medication from the infirmary and this was a side effect. But when she took the bottle, she saw his name on it, and now saw another bottle, this one half empty. But it didn’t say what medication it was, the name having worn off. She had gotten no information that he used any kinds of medication, so this did not sit well with her. She looked at the lump in the bed, wanting to drag the covers off and confront him, but figured it might be a bad idea, not sure what kind of medication he was empty off, or how long. ¨What kind of medication are you on, Portgas?¨ She got no reaction, only the motion of the kid curling more together, and she wondered how one could be this curled together.

With another sigh she kept inside, she remembered the kid’s crew had had a doctor, who now was on Moby 2, a small boat they had some distance away. It was there to send off on small missions, manage the large crew, and in cases like this, keep people apart. She knew none of them had joined the crew either, being like the kid and saying no, saying they would follow their captain.

She grabbed the two bottles and headed out of the room, telling Marco who waited outside of the room to get her a Den Den to Moby 2 right away in the infirmary. When he asked what was wrong, she said she would tell later, when she had more information. The first commander did nod, before walking away to grab the Den Den. Bay knew he was worried, especially since she didn’t say Ace was fine or not, meaning she didn’t know. Marco knew that she would have told of she knew completely.

She only hoped it wasn’t anything severe or life threatening.

\---x---

Ace curled more together as the doctor left, feeling horrible for worrying the others. This was why he had hidden away under his covers, so he wouldn’t be a bother. But still, he managed to be a bother. He hated it. He wanted to curl up and disappear, not wanting to deal with anything, feeling empty and tired, wanting to just lay here and not move. He just felt drained of everything and he didn’t want to do anything. Everything felt grey and lifeless, nothing seemed to be worth doing.

Every time there had been a knock on his door, he felt dread fill him as it meant people would come in or ask him something. Why couldn’t they leave him alone, like he wanted. They shouldn’t bother with someone like him, he was just a bother they shouldn’t bother with, they should let him be alone. He wasn’t worth their worry, he wasn’t worth anything. They should just not come to his room any more, let him be here alone, he didn’t like them coming inside, or even being close to the door. He wanted to be left alone. But as time moved a long, he had times he felt lonely, and he hated himself for that thought. He was supposed to be lonely, he didn’t deserve any friends or family.

 He was nothing and felt worthless.

\---x---

Bay sat in her office and was waiting for Whiskey to get Biggie, who had been the doctor on Aces crew before they got them. Whiskey was the head nurse on Moby 2, the one who was in charge of the infirmary there. Bay had told Marco he couldn’t join in on their conversation, as it would most likely contain some sensual information about Ace. And even though he was first mate and first commander, he still didn’t have the right to know everything about everyone. When she found out what this medication was and if it was important for a sickness, she would tell the captain and commanders what sickness and signs of it, but nothing more. Some information was private and Ace needed to tell himself. The first commander had understood and left her alone to take the call.

It wasn’t long before the Den Den spoke up. ¨Hello, this is Biggie.¨ Bay gave a nod to herself. ¨This is Bay, head doctor on the Moby Dick. You where Portgas doctor when you were on his crew, right?¨ She saw the Den Den nodding. ¨Yes. Is there anything wrong with captain?¨ Bay almost wanted to say he wasn’t hos captain anymore, but decided against it for now, she had more important matter. She looked at the pill bottles on her table. ¨What kind of medication is it Portgas uses?¨ The Den Den was silent for a few seconds. ¨Why do you wonder?¨ Bay suppressed an angry sigh. Why couldn’t he just cooperate? She looked at the Den Den sternly. ¨I wonder since I am the doctor here, I should know this. He have been acting weird the last days, and one of his bottles is empty.¨ She hoped that would make him talk, she wasn’t in the mood for him to be uncooperative.

The Den Den was quiet for a second again, getting a worried look before Biggie talked again. ¨What pills are he out of? The white or blue?¨ Bay opened the pill bottle of the one who was half empty, seeing white pills. ¨The blue ones.¨ She heard small swear, the Den Den getting a troubled frown. Bay closed the bottle and glared at the Den Den again. ¨What pills are he on? Are they the reason he acts strange?¨ The Den Den seemed thoughtful, as if contemplating. ¨When you say strange, what kind of strange?¨ Bay gave a sigh, not understanding why he just couldn’t tell her. ¨He just lays under his blanket in his room in the dark. He doesn’t come out or speaks. And he continued to say to leave him alone, saying he won’t get up. Is he sick?¨ There could be some sickness, and he was feeling ill now and therefore didn’t want to get up.

The Den Den gave a sigh, ¨He’s not sick sick. But he’s not well right now.¨

Bay gave a frown, and before she could ask about that, Biggie spoke again. ¨The pills he have left are narcolepsy pills, as he is narcoleptic.¨ Bay nodded, and when the Den Den didn’t continue, she looked at it. ¨And the blue ones? The ones he’s out of.¨

The Den Den gave another small sigh, ¨They’re antidepressants, strong ones.¨

Bay frowned. ¨Antidepressants?¨ The Den Den nodded. ¨Yes. Captain have always been depressed, even when I first joined him 2 years ago, but it wasn’t too bad then. But then he started on the narcoleptic pills to manage the sleep attacks, and it got _way_ worse, resulting in major depressions.¨ Bay felt a small feeling of dread fill her. ¨When you say major, how major?¨ She asked hasty. If this was really bad, and he didn’t have the medication, things could take an awful turn. The Den Den shook his head, ¨It’s bad, but he isn’t suicidal.¨

Bay felt a breath leave her, glad about that. She looked at the Den Den. ¨Could you tell me what’s he’s like when he gets really depressed?¨ The Den Den gave a slow nod, before giving a sigh. ¨Captain probably won’t like me telling this, but I’m guessing you have doctor patient confidentiality.¨ Bay gave a nod. ¨I do. But I will still tell Pops and the commanders if it’s important, but only the important things, not everything.¨

The Den Den nodded, ¨I guessed that.¨ There came a sigh before he continued. ¨When captain gets bad, like really depressed. He will remove himself and hide away. First just go further away, before completely shielding himself, the last stage is to lay under the blankets and not move or eat, which of course is dangerous for him. He’s told me he thinks he is a bother, feeling everything he does is bad. He loses all pleasure from absolutely everything, the reason he won’t get up. He sees no reason. He thinks he’s worthless and is full of blame for everything, and stays away since he thinks that’s for the better.¨

Bay gave a nod, that sounded bad. Before she could speak, the Den Den gave a sigh before continuing. ¨I am telling you this in hope you won’t tell everyone. But there is another thing, and I will tell you this in utter confidence you won’t tell others, as barely anyone knows this piece of information.¨ Bay gave a nod, ¨You can tell me and I won’t tell unless I deem it absolutely necessary.¨ She knew Biggie was a doctor too, he knew how this worked.

The Den Den gave a nod. ¨Captain is not suicidal, he has promised me that. But he has told me the thought of dying have been there, but he has never acted upon it or felt the need to do anything harmful to himself. He gave me a promise to tell if he felt the need to act on it. But it have never happened.¨ Bay nodded, that was something she needed to know, but she wouldn’t tell the others. But if she saw signs of it, she might tell Pops, but only him. ¨Thank you for telling me this. What kind of medication does he use?¨ She had some antidepressants here, but nothing that was strong, she had never been in a situation where they needed it.

She heard some shuffling from the Den Den. ¨Strong ones. I have about 2 months of emergency pills here, in case it doesn’t get delivered, as it apparently haven’t.¨ Bay gave a nod, ¨He had a delivery bird?¨ The Den Den nodded. Bay gave a small sigh as the bird didn’t know Portgas now was here, and therefore couldn’t deliver it. She looked at the Den Den. ¨I will send the first commander over to fetch the pills. If you could include the name of the pills and dosage so I can make sure we have everything, it would be the best.¨

The Den Den nodded. ¨I will do that. And he uses 2 pills 3 times a day. However, I suggest upping it to 3 pills 3 times a day and lower it after a week. To faster get him out of the depression.¨ Bay nodded. ¨I will make sure of it. Will he take them himself?¨ The Den Den nodded. ¨Yes. But do say you refilled them, as well as mention you spoke to me. But I always check after a day, to see if he takes them.¨ Bay nodded, she would make sure of that.

Before she could speak, Biggie did. ¨I know you don’t have to do this, but if I could get an emergency bottle again, I would really appreciate it. I like to have them in case things like this happens, even though I know you will make sure he have the pills.¨ Bay gave a nod. ¨Of course, I can make that happen, but not for a month.¨ She understood why he wanted that. He was a doctor and had been Portgas’ doctor for 2 years, it most likely made him feel better.

The Den Den nodded. ¨Thank you, doctor Bay. I will be waiting for the first commander then.¨ Bay nodded. ¨It’s nothing. I will tell him to leave now, so he will be there within an hour.¨ After getting an affirmative from the Den Den, she hung up. She thought for a second, now regretting having told Ace he was worrying the others. She had seen him curl more together, obviously feeding the worthlessness and blame he felt. Depression was a horrible thing that ate one up. It was only good he wasn’t suicidal, it would have been worse then.

She took a breath before she left to give the Den Den back to a nurse that would take it back to the communication room, before she found Marco, telling him to leave to Moby 2 and get the pills from Biggie. She could see some worry as she told him that, especially when she told him to hurry. But he knew he would get nothing yet, as she would tell him and the other commanders and captain later.

When Marco returned an hour and half later with the pills and papers, she took a quick look over the papers, before filling the bottle Portgas had and walking back to the kid’s room. When she got inside the room, seeing the kid still under the covers and in the dark, she placed the pill bottle on the desk, before sending a look to the lump in the bed. ¨I spoke to Biggie and have refilled your pills. You should start on 3 pills at a time, Ace.¨ She waited a few seconds for a response, and when she got none, she left. She had decided to call the kid Ace, at least right now while he was ill. When she was out, she told Marco, who was waiting not far away, to gather those who were available in the meeting room. It wasn’t important that everyone was there now, but that at least Marco and Pops was there, they were the most important ones. The other would be informed too, but those were the ones to be prioritized.

\---x---

Whitebeard sat and listened to Bay speak, having a frown as he was worried. Bay had said Ace had something called narcolepsy, that made him fall asleep at random times, but was using medication to counter it. But he also had depression, chronic she mentioned, and because of the narcolepsy medication the depression got way worse, and he had run out of depression medication, the reason he was like he was now. He didn’t know anything about depression, much less anything this severe. He had been around people that were down, but from what Bay said, being a bit sad and depressed was two completely different things.

Bay did explain that she had gotten emergency pills from Biggie, Aces old crewmate, and mentioned they would need to include it in the regular list of things to buy when they were on island, even though they were expensive, since they were _really_ strong. When he asked more about it, Bay said depression varies from person to person, and she didn’t know how Ace were. The captain accepted that, and was glad when Bay said Ace would hopefully get back to himself, or at least more back to himself in a week. After Bay was finished in explaining and left to do her things, Whitebeard spoke a bit with his commanders, to see if any of them knew anything about depression, which no one really did.

When everyone left to do their things, the captain went to the library, finding a book about depression and starting to read.

\---x---

Ace laid curled in his bed still. He was a bit comforted to know his pills had been refilled, thinking he might be depressed, but he wasn’t sure. He didn’t feel depressed. When Bay had said she had spoken to Biggie, he at least knew it was the right pills, something he liked. He trusted Biggie, he knew him better than anyone else, especially when it came to his medicine. He had people knocking at his door now and then, telling breakfast, dinner or supper was ready, but always leaving when he didn’t want to get up. He didn’t want to go out, he would only cause problems, he always did. Bay had come by the day after giving him the pills, checking the bottle as he heard it being opened. He remembered Biggie doing that, and felt himself miss the crew, his crew. But he didn’t want to ask to speak to them, they could do without him, they didn’t need him.

As he was laying in bed and curling together under the covers, he heard a knock before the door was opened and someone walked in. the person didn’t say anything as he or she just went in and sat down on the floor.

Ace felt his entire body tense, not liking that someone was here. He didn’t want to keep people from their duties, they shouldn’t bother with him. They should just ignore him. when the person didn’t leave, staying inside the room and sitting on the floor, Ace decided to peek out and see who it was. He was shocked when he saw it was Whitebeard. When the man saw him looking out, he gave a smile, and Ace immediately went back under the covers. He didn’t want to deal with the captain, hoping he would leave. he shouldn’t be here, Ace had just been a nuisance to him anyway.

As the man didn’t leave, Ace felt his mind trying to figure out _why_ he was here. What reason he could possibly think he should be here. He shouldn’t have any reason to bother with him. Ace felt himself curl more together as the man stayed, Ace hating that the man did. When he finally did leave, no idea how long he had stayed, Ace felt a breath leave him as he was left alone. He should be alone, he should live and die alone, there was nothing for him.

But the next day, the captain did the same again.

He just came in and sat down, not doing or saying anything. It was something that caused him a lot of guilt, knowing the captain spent time here with him instead with people that deserved it. When the captain did it the third day too, Ace got the nerve to speak up. ¨Why are you here?¨ Maybe he was just here to make sure he didn’t do anything, that made sense. He wasn’t allowed to do anything, he wasn’t allowed to have fun. He didn’t even feel like doing anything. He felt the captain looking at him. ¨I’m here to make sure you are fine.¨ Ace felt his body freeze, repeating the words over and over in his head, trying to make sense of them. Make sure he was fine? Why would he care? Why would anyone care. It didn’t make any sense, people shouldn’t waste their time on him. ¨You should leave. don’t waste your time here.¨ Ace managed to say, not wanting the captain to waste his time.

He felt the captain look at him again. ¨I’m not wasting my time.¨

What? How could he say that? Ace tried to curl more together, feeling his body starting to shake as he didn’t like the captain thinking this was something that wasn’t a waste. It was, he shouldn’t sit here with him, there was a lot of other people he should be with. The captain should just leave and leave him alone.

Whitebeard watched as the kid started to tremble, feeling his heart aching. Did he really think so lowly of himself?

He had read in the book he found that people with depression thought lowly of themselves, thinking themselves to be a bother and seeing why they should be happy. But to see that the kid thought that, was hard. He wanted to go and hug the kid, but also remember the book saying physical touch was even harder for someone with deep depression. He hoped Ace would get better, this wasn’t good and he didn’t like to see Ace like this.

When he came back the next day, Ace didn’t say anything while he just sat there. The book had said they would say to leave them alone, but you should stay, just to show you are there, to show you care. Even though they would lash out on it or not like it, they needed to know they were alone. And Ace weren’t alone. He had him and everyone else, every one of them cared.

But when he stood to leave, a weak voice spoke up from the bed. ¨Don’t go.¨

Whitebeard stood still for a second, to be sure he had heard right. When he was sure he did, he quietly sat down again. He hoped this meant Ace was getting better. There had been 4 days since he started on the medication again and Bay had said he should be better in 7 days, more himself. Ace didn’t say anything for a while after that, just laying in the bed, but the captain could see him trembling at times. Whitebeard felt his heart ache as Ace thought so little of himself right now. After a while, he heard a low and shaky voice speak up, Ace clearly on the verge of breaking. ¨Why do you care?¨

The captain sent a soft look at the bed, ¨Because I care of all my children. You are all worth everything to me and I will always be here.¨

Whitebeard saw the lump in the bed starting to tremble again, hearing harsh breaths and some sniffing at times, telling him Ace was crying. Whitebeard took a chance and slowly moved a hand to Aces back on the covers, stroking it carefully. Ace didn’t say anything against it, and he continued to do it for some time, even after he stopped trembling. He stayed in silence for a while, before leaving when he thought Ace was asleep, seeing the bundle on the bed relaxing and breathing slowly. He hoped Ace would be better.

But the next day, when supper was coming to an end, the captain was shocked and glad when the door opened and Ace came walking in.

He did look bad. He looked pale, had obviously gone a lot down in weight as he looked thin, and had bags under his eyes. He was also walking slowly, seeming to be _really_ tired. The captain could see everyone stopping what they were doing or speaking about when they saw Ace, but a look from him and Marco, had them going about what they were doing, although sending looks at Ace time to time. Ace walked slowly up to the table where Whitebeard and some other sat, mostly commanders, but there weren’t many, supper coming to an end. Ace sat down away from everyone, sitting at the side where there weren’t any sitting close by. Ace didn’t speak to anyone, not answering when people spoke to him. but he was out of his room, which was an improvement. Ace did eat, although it was _nowhere_ close to what he usually ate, barely eating a quarter of his normal amount.

But it was at least something. It was much better than nothing. And it was dangerous to see how those 6 days have had an impact on Ace, he looked starved. But he did eat a lot, having a metabolism that required it. Ace didn’t stay for long, and left without a word, walking the same slow and almost dead looking pace back to his room. The captain did feel really relieved to see Ace was out of his room, it was much better than him staying in all day. It was the first day he had seen how bad he looked, and he had thought he would have looked a bit worse for wear, but that was just horrible. Those days without food had had a big impact on him, much more so than he would have thought.

The next day, Ace came out for breakfast, and did at least response, although it was only by nodding or shaking his head. He didn’t say anything, but it was fine, this was an improvement. And from what he had gathered from books, bad, or major depressions, often caused people to be like this, thinking they would only bother everyone, being a nuisance. And Ace was anything but. The fact he wasn’t himself, was what was bothering everyone, he should run around and be the over hot headed kid he was, not this. but he was getting better.

Ace didn’t show up at dinner, but the galley was almost always full during dinner, which might be too much people for Ace. But when supper came along, Ac showed up again.

And he seemed better, the bags under his eyes wasn’t as dark, and he did even eat a bit more. When Thatch tried to speak to him, even mentioning something about pranking Marco, as he knew Ace liked to do that, everyone was almost shocked when Ace spoke. He didn’t say much, only a ¨Maybe.¨ But it was something. It meant Ace was getting better.

The next day, Ace seemed even better, even speaking more and almost joining in on a prank. Halfway through their planning, Ace had suddenly got up and left, not saying anything as he left, going back to his room, looking more depressed again. But he still wasn’t himself, still having ups and downs it seemed like, which was normal, both according to Bay and some books. But it was a sign of improvement.

But the next day, Ace and Thatch did a prank, targeting Marco as usual. Marco did of course yell at them as usual, but Whitebeard could see some contentment in his eyes, looking glad Ace was more back to normal. And the captain could see Marco wasn’t as harsh in his yelling and lecturing. Ace still wasn’t as lively, and he didn’t smile, laugh or anything, but he was getting there.

He hoped Ace would get more back to himself and hopefully back where he was before, as he had been those first months. But only time would tell if he would get back to that, and he and everyone hoped he would.

\---x---

Ace sat with the dinner table, eating breakfast. He felt something was wrong, but he wasn’t sure what. He could see the captain, first, fourth and sixteenth commander eating too, not many left in the galley. Ace didn’t understand what everyone was doing here, but guessed they were here to eat as him, although he didn’t especially feel hungry.

But as he was about to take another bite of his toast, he halted as everything suddenly lit up. Just as if someone lighted a bulb or the sun shined for the first time in ages.

Ace stared at his toast, before looking around himself. Things really had lighted up, and he felt that was weird. That only happened when he had been depressed. It took some seconds, but he soon realized he had been depressed. When the world lit up like this, it meant he came out of a depression, he knew the feeling.

¨Ace, yoi?¨ Ace looked shocked to his left, hearing Marco saying his name. he looked at Ace with something akin to small worry. ¨Are you okay?¨

Ace gave a nod and a smile, ¨Yeah, I’m feeling fine.¨

Ace could see the first commander blinking, before smiling, looking glad. ¨That’s good, yoi.¨ Ace gave a nod, the smile shifting to a more sheepish one as he remembered just laying in bed, clearly worrying everyone. Ace gave a nod to himself, continuing to eat hos toast. ¨Yeah, that’s good.¨ Ace could see everyone smiling around him, clearly glad at seeing him in this good mood. Ace could still feel some sadness in him, but it would go away, when he came out of it like this, he could fix the rest himself.

Everything would be fine, and he had no idea what to think off how everyone had acted, especially the captain. Maybe he really did care? A weird thought, as he was sure the captain didn’t do that.

A week later, Ace officially joined the crew, the family. He felt accepted here, he felt cared for and included. He felt as if he would be happy here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the chapter, hope you enjoyed
> 
> And I did explain a lot through the story on how depression worked, and this is based off Major Depression/chronic depression, just without the suicidal part as I mentioned. Depression is a horrible thing that take over ones entire being, especially major depression like this. you just feel worthless and blame yourself for everything. You just feel emotionless and that you aren’t worth a thing, feeling like you deserve to be alone, but still don’t want to be alone
> 
> And the end. When you have depression and either have depressive episodes or get medication like this, it will literally feel like the world just light up and you realize you were depressed, feeling happy and more normal once again. Too understand you are depressed yourself id hard, and many don’t realize until this point, no matter how often you have had depression or how many tells you you are depressed
> 
> And now over to other things
> 
> As I said in the start, I am thinking of writing different stories based around mental health. I want it to have Ace as main character, although I am somewhat bendable there. But it will need to be in the One piece world, but it can be canon or completely AU. The story name will be a hint as to what the story will be about and what issue I will handle  
> That being said, if you have any mental issues you would want me to write about, don’t be afraid to leave a comment on which, and you can even leave which world (AU or canon) as well as which character 
> 
> And with that being said too. I am thinking of telling Sabos story from Psychosis, as I have had a couple asking for this. If you want this, please leave a comment. And if you haven’t read Psychosis, I recommend you do. It also targets mental health, although on a more acute approach, and its much longer
> 
> I do hope everyone like this, even though it wasn’t as dramatic as I think some of you would want. But not all depression are really dramatic, it can be hidden. Ace had been depressed for days before he hid away, and no one noticed
> 
> And again, if you liked this story and mental health approach, please go read Psychosis if you haven’t
> 
> And if you have the time, I would really appreciate if you took the time to leave a comment on how you liked it


	2. Depression 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, here is another chapter
> 
> And I apparently can’t keep to a one chapter story, I always need to add. Especially when people ask for it, as it gives me more ideas to do. I didn’t have a plan to make another chapter, but look what happened. And I really love that you want more, it means you like what I try to do here, and that means everything
> 
> And thank you everyone for reviewing and liking the story. I never imagined so many would be interested in this kind of stories. It really means a lot that people are interested in mental health as it is something way to little spoken about, and we NEED to speak of about it more  
> And there is still no pairing, just brotherly love between the family 
> 
> That being said, hope you enjoy
> 
> Read and relax

Ace felt okay, he wasn’t lying when he said that. He just felt a bit whelmed. He had been a part of the crew for a couple of weeks and was still adjusting to that. It was a lot to take in, especially since they were so many on the crew, Ace weren’t used to be around so many all the time. He had thankfully been able to keep his private room, the captain understanding he did need some space and a place where he could be alone when he needed it. He hadn’t spoken to anyone on the ship about his depression, not really sure how everyone would react to it and didn’t feel comfortable around everyone. Some he was more comfortable around than others, like the captain, Bay, Marco, Thatch, Izou and Rakuyo, but not much more than those. Don’t get him wrong, he liked every one of the commanders, it was just hard for Ace to be familiar with so many, and especially so fast.

This was one of the reasons he laid underneath his blankets and tried to relax, needing some time for himself.

It wasn’t like the other time he had hidden away, he still had his medication and felt like he could do things, he was just whelmed by everything and needed this hour to himself right now. He would go back out when he felt a bit better, as it was closing in on breakfast he believed, and he still hadn’t gained his regular weight back. It was really easy to lose weight, especially when he hadn’t eaten for almost 6 days back then. And even though he had eaten normally for the last 4 weeks, he had still only gained a quarter of what he had lost. Bay had asked about that, and Ace had said it would get back, although slowly and as long as he didn’t get too depressed, something he didn’t say more around.

He wasn’t sure how Bay would react to him telling her how he felt. Although he did feel like he needed someone to speak to, but didn’t trust anyone on the crew on that level yet. He was thinking of asking if Biggie could come by for a day, but he hadn’t dared to ask yet. But he would see how he felt after today, maybe he just had a bad day, he had those now and then.

Ace sat up in small shock when there was a knock at his door, bringing his covers to still be around him and over his head, he felt better like this. Maybe breakfast was ready and they came to tell him, but they hadn’t one that before when he was late to a meal.

¨Come in...?¨ Said Ace slowly, not sure if whoever it was needed a come in from him. the only ones who did come by was the doctor, commanders or the captain, and they had the authority to just walk in. the door opened a second later, and the captain walked in. The man gave him a smile. ¨How are you, Ace?¨ Ace gave a nod. ¨I’m fine.¨ The captain closed the door, giving him a small worried look.

¨You didn’t show up for breakfast and lunch, dinner is soon starting now.¨

Ace blinked, looking over at the clock. He was shocked to realize it was almost 5, he hadn’t realized time had moved that fast. He still thought it was morning. Ace gave a sheepish look, ¨I… didn’t realize the clock was this much.¨ Whitebeard gave a nod, sending him a worried look, probably at seeing him wrapped in the blankets. ¨Are you sure you’re fine?¨ Ace gave a nod. ¨I am. I’m just… a bit whelmed.¨ The captain gave a nod, ¨Are you coming to dinner? You don’t need to if you don’t feel up to it.¨ Ace gave a slow nod. He didn’t really feel up to be around many right now, and dinner was full packed. ¨I... don’t know.¨ The captain nodded, looking understanding at him.

Ace clutched the blankets a bit, looking down. ¨Could you… stay for a bit?¨

Ace felt the man look at him. ¨Of course I can, son.¨ Ace gave a nod to himself, glad the captain could do that. He heard the captain sitting down on the floor, and felt a bit comforted by his presence. He didn’t want to be around many, or people he wasn’t sure off. He did trust the man some, just not with everything. It was always hard to get enough confidence and trust someone to speak about himself. Whitebeard started to speak about some things, just to have some noise in the background, something that felt nice. After some time, when it was some seconds of silence, Ace got enough confidence to ask about something and looked at the captain.

¨Could Biggie come here for a day?¨

 Ace saw the captain giving a nod. ¨He can do that.¨ He said, before sending him a look of worry. ¨Is there a reason you want only him?¨ Ace gave a small nod as he clutched the blankets tighter around himself. ¨To talk to him.¨ The captain nodded. ¨You can speak to us too, but Biggie can come by.¨ Ace nodded, glad that he could come by. He sent a look at Whitebeard. ¨I know I can talk to you, it’s just… hard. Biggie knows everything.¨ The captain nodded, sending a comforting smile, ¨It’s no worries. It’s a lot to adapt too, but we’re always here.¨ Ace gave a nod, he knew that, they telling him it now and then. But it was hard to let people in on certain things.

Ace sat in his bed for some time still, the captain staying. It wasn’t before half an hour later they left for dinner, the captain mentioning there weren’t as many now. But he could choose to not go if he still felt whelmed. But Ace felt better, just knowing Biggie would come by, as well as getting to relax for some time. When they got to the galley, Ace noticed a lot of people being glad at seeing him, sending him relieved smiles. It was weird having people who he didn’t know too well care like this, especially this many.

But it was also a nice thought that they cared, just something he weren’t used too.

When Biggie came by 2 days later, Ace used the entire day to speak to him, speaking about thick and thin. It was a good feeling to get some things off his chest, and he always enjoyed to speak to the man. He spoke about the good things, on how he enjoyed the people here and what he did. But did also speak about when he had gotten depressed. On how he hadn’t realized he was spiraling into a depression when he ran out of medication, and he hadn’t wanted to tell anyone here, as well as losing the courage to ask to speak to him during the days before he went to the real bad stage of him hiding away and not eating.

It was good to speak to the man, and he helped him sort some feelings out. Ace felt mixed about some things with the crew. He wasn’t sure as how to handle they knew he was as depressed from time to time and went on medication, but Biggie did say it would take time. Reminding him there was a time when he thought the same about him, using months to get enough confidence to tell him and speak about his problems. And it made him feel better about everything. Biggie was always a good help.

\----x---

Marco walked around on deck, having the night shift and was making sure everything was fine. There had been some clam days now, even the weather being nice and clear. Marco never had anything against night shift, he could be awake for long and he did enjoy the night. It was calm at night, and he liked that. There were some nights where he used his phoenix to check the ship, but sometimes it was nice to just walk on deck and enjoy the night, like this night.

But as he turned a corner, he halted for a second as he saw Ace sitting on the railing, looking at the sea.

It wasn’t that people was sitting at the railing was unusual, but this was Ace. He knew Ace had been a bit down lately. He did stay a bit away from them, not being as clingy as he used to be, spoke more low and sometimes skipped meals, staying in his room. He wasn’t as down as he had been that month and half ago, not hiding away, but he was still a bit more secluded than normal. And he wasn’t sure if Ace might do something, like maybe jump off the railing. He hadn’t heard anything of the kid having thoughts like that, but he couldn’t keep the thought away that Ace might be having thoughts of dying. He knew people with depression often had that.

Bay had told them a bit more around depression, even having Biggie tell more the day he was here, as he knew much more than every one of them. When Jozu had said why Ace just couldn’t be glad and smile if he was just sad, Marco could see both Bay and Biggie giving death glares as they started lecturing him, telling depression and being sad are two _very_ different things. And if one of them _ever_ heard _anyone_ make that remark again, they would be sorry. It was a great help, although Biggie refused to tell about Ace, but spoke about depression as a whole.

Marco went up to the railing, getting Aces attention by saying his name before he was up close, so he wouldn’t startle him. Ace gave a smile to him as he wished him good evening, and Marco stood close to Ace, so he knew he had enough time to grab the kid if he did anything. ¨How are you, yoi?¨ He asked normally, although having his eyes on Ace. The kid nodded, looking out at the distance. ¨I’m fine. I just couldn’t sleep.¨ Marco nodded, he had guessed as much. Ace sent a look at him. ¨Having fun on the night shift?¨ Marco gave a small chuckle, ¨It’s okay, I like the night.¨ Ace nodded. ¨I do too. It’s calm and quiet, a break from the usual.¨ Marco gave a nod, before deciding to do something. He looked at Ace. ¨Why don’t you come down, and we can take a stroll together, yoi?¨ He knew Ace liked him and looked up to him, not that he really minded that. Ace was his younger brother now after all.

He saw Ace get this solemn and shy look. ¨I won’t jump or anything, I’m not that kind of depressed.¨

Marco looked at Ace for a second, before nodding, sending a sheepish smile at Ace. ¨I’m sorry for assuming, yoi.¨ Ace shook his head, looking at him. ¨It’s fine, people usually assume you know.¨ Marco gave a nod, looking out at the distance too, he still felt a bit bad for assuming it like that. He should have more trust in Ace, he just didn’t know too much about all this.

After a minute, he looked at Ace again. ¨I still have to do my watch, the stroll is still open if you’d like.¨ He saw Ace giving a slow nod, before shaking his head. ¨I think I’ll stay here for a bit.¨ Marco nodded. Ace had been a bit small distant lately, so he got that. Marco sent a look at Ace. ¨You can talk to me, yoi. About anything.¨ Ace gave a nod, sending him a smile. ¨I know.¨ Marco nodded, before he left to continue his night shift. He guessed it was hard to speak about some things for Ace, either because he found it generally hard, or because he didn’t trust them enough yet. Marco knew Aces old crewmate, Biggie, had come by last week, and they had used the entire day speaking, so Ace might not trust them with this yet.

But he hoped Ace would get to a point where he trusted them with stuff like this.

When he had done a round and came back to the railing, Ace was no longer there, and Marco guessed he had headed to his room. Ace was getting more comfortable around them, and they still had a lot to learn about him. But it would take the time it needed to take.

\---x---

Marco stood beside his father’s chair, most of the commanders out and close by. Red haired Shanks had been close and was heading towards them. It usually went fine and Pops and the Red haired captain drank together, but there had been times when he came to fight. Not an all-out ‘fight to the death’, but more like a duel kind of fight. And since they didn’t have any plans as to why the man would visit, they were ready for anything.

When the ship was close enough and the Red haired captain walked on the boat, Marco could see Pops on his way to speak, to ask why he was here. But before he could say anything, another voice spoke first.

¨Shanks?¨ Marco turned to his left, seeing Ace there, looking at Shanks in shock, as if he wasn’t sure if it was him.

Shanks let out a small laugh, ¨Sparky!¨ and not a second later, Ace had moved so he was hugging the red haired captain, the man hugging back with his arm. Marco blinked, to be sure he saw what he saw. He didn’t know they knew each other, so this was a shock. And based on the looks to everyone else, it was the same to them. After a second, he saw Shanks tightening his arm around Ace, sending a deadly glare at Whitebeard over Aces head.

¨You’ve lost weight.¨

They had the decency to look a bit ashamed of that. Ace had not gained all the weight he had lost, maybe half of it. One could see he had lost weight, and it was most likely even more noticeable when one hugged Ace. He heard Ace give a small sound, letting go of the man. ¨I’m fine.¨ There was still a glare at them from Shanks, but he seemed to somewhat accept it. Ace gave a smile to the man, ¨What are you doing here?¨ Shanks laughed, ruffling Aces hair. ¨Heard you joined them and wanted to say hi. Haven’t seen you in ages.¨ The kid laughed, and changed some more words with the man. After a minute, Pops asked how they knew each other, and Ace said Shanks had apparently visited his island way back. Shanks seemed to know Ace well, the kid seeming to like Shanks, something that made Marco jealous. He wanted Ace to be as comfortable as that around them.

The next few hours went by fine, Shanks sharing some drinks with Pops, them speaking civilly for once. Although Marco was sure they would be stupidly drunk in some hours, especially Shanks, who was a noisy and annoying drunk. There was a point when Shanks was gone, having maybe headed to his ship or something, seeing as dinner was close by and the captain might eat with his crew. He was a weird man after all. And Marco was on his way to inform Ace dinner was ready for them too, having learned Ace sometimes forgot time and they just made it a usual stop to tell it was dinner if Ace was in his room.

But as soon as he was about to knock on Aces door, he heard Ace speaking through the door. ¨I got depressed, since I ran out of meds. Like really depressed, and stopped eating, as I sometimes do you know.¨ Marco was about to leave, this obviously being something not meant for his ears. But as soon he was about to turn around, he heard Shanks speaking, and Marco could _hear_ the frown he had.

¨It takes you at least a week to get to that point, usually more. _And you’re saying no one noticed?¨_

Marco felt guilty by that, everyone did. After they found out the reason Ace had hidden away, they had realized he had slowly stopped doing things, like being around them, sitting close or laughing and smiling. They felt stupid and bad for not realizing it, as it was obvious something was wrong, but they never catched onto it before it had ventured to a really dangerous point, which was Ace not eating and really being depressed. Marco stopped and stayed for a second, knowing he was intruding on something, but he wanted to hear more. It was wrong, but curiosity killed the cat. He heard Ace speak in a low voice. ¨I didn’t realize it myself, and tried to act normal, until it got too much and I couldn’t do anything. I just felt so guilty and worthless.¨ They felt guilty for not noticing, and Marco made a promise to always make sure to know everyone was fine and pick up on things like this faster. But the next words Shanks said had Marco feeling dread.

¨Maybe you shouldn’t have joined them. They didn’t realize something was wrong. And I know you. You get worse and worse, someone should have picked up on it. Maybe they don’t care.¨

Marco almost spoke out, saying they did care, because they did. They felt _awful_ for not picking up on it, they should have realized something was wrong. He heard Ace make a sound. ¨They care… I think. I just tried to act normal, and managed to keep it somewhat up, and they didn’t know me. I had only been attacking White-, Pops, and I really did try to pretend I was fine. Even you were fooled before. And I think they care. They did a lot when they found out, and I’m not sure about everything there. It’s still a bit whelming at times, as I don’t know how to respond to how they care and not sure if I can speak about things.¨ He heard a sigh from Shanks. ¨It’s good they caught on and fixed their mistake, Sparky. They usually care about their crew, I’m just worried for you. And why don’t you think you can speak to them? They haven’t done anything I hope.¨

¨No,¨ Started Ace, making Marco give a small relived breath as Ace continued. ¨They haven’t done anything bad. But I’m just… unsure. It’s always hard to trust others with these fe-,¨ Marco left, not wanting to intrude on Aces feelings and thoughts, knowing he was unsure about telling them about things like this. He wasn’t going to overhear stuff like this, hoping Ace would tell of his own will later. He did stop by his father, telling what he had overheard. He did get a disapproving look from listening in on it, but he was glad himself Ace didn’t feel as if he shouldn’t have joined them, but felt unsure about things, which the man knew. They hoped Ace would manage to speak to them about this, but they weren’t pushing Ace.

When Ace came for dinner half an hour later, Shanks nowhere to be seen, Marco was glad at seeing Ace looked glad. He appreciated every smile and laugh Ace did now, knowing it was something he sometimes didn’t do. When Pops asked where Shanks was, Ace said he had left, needing to go somewhere. Ace did seem in good mood the rest of the day, and it seemed like when he got to speak about some things, he got better. After he had spoken to Biggie, he had been really good again. And this made Marco more invested in hoping Ace would trust him with his feelings, wanting to make Ace feel comfortable and help him.

And he would do his best to make that happen.

\---x---

Whitebeard knocked on Aces door, hoping he might come out to dinner. He hadn’t been seen for breakfast or lunch, but the captain knew Thatch had dropped off some food at lunch, and he hoped he had at least eaten that. It did happen Ace didn’t show for breakfast, usually the times when he slept long, but he did usually come for lunch. But since he knew Thatch had been by and dropped off some food, he had decided to wait until dinner. And when Ace hadn’t been there the first 10 minutes, he decided to go see how he were.

Ace had gotten most of the weight he had lost back during the last 2 months, but there was still a small bit missing, one of the reasons he didn’t like Ace staying out of meals, especially dinner as that was the time they ate the most, especially Ace. They didn’t want to make it a habit to bring food to Aces room, he should get out of the room, even Bay and Biggie thought so too. When he got no answer, he decided to just go in and check. It might be that Ace as asleep, and if he were, he should be woken up so he could eat. When he got into Aces room, it was dark and he could see the outline of a shape on the bed, most of the body aside from the head under the blankets. But he did lay faced against the wall, so the captain couldn’t say if he was awake or not. ¨Ace, you okay?¨ When he saw no movement or reaction, he thought Ace wasn’t going to answer, might being asleep.

But a second later, there was some small movement as Ace spoke in a low voice. ¨I’m not having a good day.¨

The captain nodded, he had guessed as much. But to hear Ace say it himself was something he never had had happen before. He hoped it meant Ace trusted him more. Whitebeard slowly moved to sit down next to the bed, ¨What kind of not good, son?¨ Whitebeard wanted to see if Ace would tell, and he wanted to know more about Ace, especially on how he could help. The captain saw Ace make some movement under the covers, ¨I just feel… bad… and sad… and everything.¨ Whitebeard nodded, slowly bringing a hand to the bundle on the bed, using a finger to carefully stroke his back. He didn’t know what he should say, or if he should say anything for that manner. After a second, he felt and heard Ace take a shaky breath. ¨I don’t know how… how to explain it. I just feel… down.¨

Whitebeard gave a nod and continued to stroke Aces back, hoping he would continue, but he wouldn’t force him. He would be here for Ace, to show he cared and that he didn’t need to talk if he didn’t want to. He heard Ace take some breaths. ¨I know it might be stupid, but… I just feel as everything is too much, and I don’t know why.¨ Whitebeard shook his head, continuing the stroking motion, feeling Ace taking deep breaths, probably having pushed himself into telling this. ¨It isn’t stupid. It is how you feel at times, and that’s fine.¨

There was silence for some seconds, but he could feel how the kid took deep breaths. After some seconds, he heard Ace speak in a low and unsure voice. ¨You really think so?¨ Whitebeard nodded, even though Ace couldn’t see it. ¨I do. Everyone have blue days, it’s normal.¨ And that was the truth. Everyone did have off days and blue days, and there was nothing wrong in that. Aces was just a bit more though for himself, but they would handle that. He heard a small sound from the bed, seeing some small movement. ¨I think I have more than just a blue day.¨ The captain gave a small chuckle, ¨Everyone’s blue day is different.¨ He sent a look at the bundle at the bed. ¨You're not anything different for having feelings. Maybe different from the others, but you’re not bad for having feelings.¨

Whitebeard saw Ace make some movement, something that he thought might be a nod. After that, it was quiet for some seconds, Whitebeard continuing to stroke the kid’s back to give some comfort. After some minutes, Ace moved and Whitebeard moved his hand as Ace sat up, the covers still over his shoulders. The captain gave a smile at seeing Ace giving a half smile. ¨Feeling better, son?¨ Ace gave a nod, the smile growing a tiny bit. He still didn’t look as lively as he used too, but he was having a not so good day as he had said. Whitebeard gave a comforting smile to Ace, ¨Would you liked to join us for dinner? You don’t have to, and can leave if it gets too much.¨

He saw Ace giving it a nod, seeming to be thinking it over. After a second, Ace looked at the captain, having a small smile. ¨I think I can try.¨ That made the captain smile, and he stood up, before holding a hand out for Ace, helping him up and down from the bed, before they headed out together.

When they got to the galley, many was already finished, but there were some left, like Thatch, Marco and Jozu. Thatch had saved Ace a plate of desert, which Ace really seemed to appreciate. Ace did stay for the entirety of the dinner, and even joined them out on deck. The rest of the day went by fine, and he was glad at seeing Ace seeming to perk up and be more glad and smiling more. He really loved to see him be glad and overcome his depression.

\---x---

Ace sat with Thatch, Izou and Haruta, the first and latter speaking about doing a prank, and Ace was in on the planning, trying to figure out how to execute the plan. It was really fun. They were going to target Marco, their usual target as he was fun to mess with, even though he could be harsh when he got mad, but it was fine, Ace liked that Marco was still a good brother about it, sometimes even pranking them back, although nowhere near the things they did to him. He really liked the entire family actually. He got more and more used to everything here. As they were continuing to plan, Ace felt his face slowly starting to fall with time, hands starting to fidget as he was starting to feel a bit whelmed, as he still did at times. Especially when he had been out all day and around so many as he had been today. But he tried to ignore it, thinking and hoping it would go away, as it sometimes did.

But when he felt it didn’t go away, he stood up and left, going to his room to relax.

He knew this was sometimes better. That instead of pushing himself and getting worse, like getting a mental breakdown or meltdown, as he has had a lot in the past before joining the crew, he just took some time to gather himself. Somedays it took a lot to act normal, to be happy, and he didn’t want to push it so much he used up everything. He did hear Thatch ask after him, but Ace didn’t answer, feeling he might have stayed a bit long as he noticed he was feeling small trembles in his fingers. He got those when he was tired and was closing in on his limit on bad days. Ace wished he didn’t have days like this at all, that he could just be normal as everyone else. He only hoped Thatch wouldn’t be mad that he just up and left, now realizing Thatch might get mad. Maybe he should have stayed?

Ace shook his head as he sat down in his bed, bringing his blanket around him.

This was his way to cope with everything. To sit with the blankets around himself and try to calm everything down. If it got especially bad, he was allowed to take an emergency pill, but Ace rarely did it, wanting to seem stronger than this. Speaking of which. Ace looked at the clock, seeing he had been out way longer than he thought, the clock was already 18. He should have taken his pills at 14. Maybe this was the reason he was feeling more down so suddenly? Ace thought it might, and before he thought more of it, he opened his pill bottle and took his pills, so he wouldn’t get to a point where he didn’t take them, that was bad.

As he had taken his pills, he leaned back against the wall, bringing the blanket more around himself as he closed his eyes, trying to sort through his mind.

He tried to sort through the bad and sad thoughts, to see if there was any reason behind them. Like on how he felt guilty for leaving and thinking he shouldn’t go back out, was that logical? At first, yes, it was. But as he remembered he had done this before, Thatch always being happy when he got back out, it might not be as logical. Wouldn’t Thatch be glad to see he was glad? Or at least that he was fine? When his mind tried to say no, Ace shook his head. He was sure it wasn’t him thinking logical, he should wait for some time and see then. Right now, he felt he needed to relax.

An hour later, Ace slowly walked out of his room, going to see if he could find Thatch.

He did feel better, but was still unsure if just up and leave was the right choice, making him a bit unsure about everything. But he tried to tell himself it was stupid to think this, he should just get over it. It was just as speaking to a wall, he knew he would get nowhere with himself. But when he got more out on deck, he was almost run down by Thatch, who grabbed his hand and started dragging him after. Ace was shocked, ¨What’s going on?¨ Thatch turned to look at him, having a wicked smile, ¨We played the prank on Birdy, he’s coming after us soon, so we need to hide.¨

Ace was shocked. Not by the fact they had still gone through with the prank, but that he had still included him in it, even though he had only been there for half of the planning.

Ace managed to run and keep up with Thatch, not sure if this was maybe a plan to get back at him or to just pretend, or something. But when he heard the familiar mad voice yell his and Thatchs name, also seeing Marco, who now had blue hair as Ace had come up with, Ace was even more shocked. He had still been included, and he hadn’t expected that. It was what he had hoped for, but he didn’t expect it to happen, he had expected to be left out, he had left in the middle of everything after all. As the shock and happiness washed over him, him fully realizing this was happening, Ace did the only thing that seemed logical to do.

He started crying.

He wasn’t sure if it was only the fact that he was happy, but maybe a mixture as he was a bit off his medication, as he was really sensitive to that. And this was just something that made him glad, really glad.

When Thatch turned around to see how far behind Marco was, he noticed Ace was crying and got a scared and confused look. He let go of Aces hand as he stopped. ¨Ace? Is everything okay? I didn’t pull to hard?¨  The fact Thatch was concerned didn’t help his emotional state at all, and he continued to cry, not managing to speak, and decided to just shake his head. He hadn’t pulled to hard, Ace was just being stupid. He brought his hands to his eyes as he tried to dry the tears away and gather himself, but found it near impossible.

It wasn’t long before Ace noticed Marco catching up to them, since they had stopped. ¨Thatch! Ace! What do you-,¨ Marco stopped when Thatch turned a shocked and almost scared look at him. ¨I- I don’t know what happened.¨ Ace saw a confused Marco look at him, before the look turned to shock and worry. ¨Ace, yoi?¨ Ace shook his head, feeling himself easing down to the floor, just feeling way to emotional as he broke down. Now Marco was also worried? Even after dying his hair? Ace felt a hand come to his back, carefully stroking it. ¨Did anything happen?¨ Ace shook his head, looking at the concerned face of Marco as he tried to gather himself enough to speak. ¨I- I didn’t think Thatch would let me join. Since- since I left. And- and I forgot my meds, and – and- and I’m just being stupid, and emotional- and everything.¨ Well, so much for leaving earlier to not have a breakdown.

He heard Thatch let out a sound. ¨What?! How could I not let you join? That prank was brilliant! And it even worked! Look at the new Feather Brain here!¨ When he saw Marcos eye twitch at that, and Ace saw the new hair color closer and the words sunk in, Ace let out something mixed between a sob and laugh. When he felt the hand move comfortingly on his back and saw Marco sending another concerned look, Ace shook his head. ¨I’m not- I’m not sad. I’m glad. I’m- I’m just being stupid.¨ Ace saw Marco shaking his head through tear filled eyes. ¨You're not being stupid, just emotional and shocked, yoi.¨

The hand on his back moved again. ¨Did you take you meds?¨ Ace nodded and looked at Marco, feeling a bit more composed as they didn’t think he was stupid for breaking down like this. ¨Y-yeah. I just took them later than normal.¨ Ace saw Marco nodding, ¨That’s good, yoi. But don’t think this gets you out of the punishment for doing the prank.¨ Thatch let out a groan, while Ace let out another mixed sob and laugh. He hadn’t expected to get out of it, and he was almost glad Marco would still act normal, not changing because he had a small breakdown. Thatch sent a pleading look at Marco. ¨Come on, Marco! Look at Ace! You can’t punish that! He did nothing! Only the planning!¨ Marco gave a small hum. ¨You're right, Thatch.¨ The chef got a proud and glad look, while Marco got a smirk. ¨Which is why _you_ are going to do the swabbing of the deck. Since _you_ did the prank. And Ace gets four more hours of kitchen duty, yoi.¨

Thatch let out a groan. ¨Noooo, Marco. I didn’t mean it like that!¨ Marco shook his head. ¨Too late, yoi.¨ Ace let out a laugh, glad to hear the normal bickering. Ace dried the last bit of tears away feeling much more composed now. Marco moved the hand from his back and held it out to him, helping him stand back up again. ¨Let’s go to the galley, lunch is soon starting, yoi.¨ Ace gave a nod, that sounded fine as he was a bit hungry. When Thatch tried to also walk with them, Marco handed him a mop he grabbed from the side. ¨Not you. Start swabbing, Thatch.¨ Ace heard the man give a groan at that, speaking about unfairness, but left to start it, even though he complained the entire way.

When Marco and Ace started walking, Marco looked at Ace. ¨Feeling better, yoi?¨ Ace gave a nod, ¨Yeah. Sorry for breaking down like that.¨ Marco shook his head. ¨Don’t worry about it. It happens.¨ Ace nodded, glad Marco was as understanding. Ace was in good mood the rest of the day. Sometimes having a break down helped him relieve some of the emotions he had, and this had done that.

When Pops asked about it later, him having heard about it from Marco or Thatch, Ace had just said it was him being stupid and emotional, mentioning the fact he felt whelmed and was late with his medication. Ace was _really_ sensitive to them, and he reacted fast when he didn’t take them. Pops had said the same as Marco, saying he wasn’t stupid for it. He did ask a bit more around it, especially about the feeling whelmed and sensitivity. Ace did say he just reacted fast when he was off the medication, also giving a small mention on when he was sick, he was bad, and almost always cried, although he was thankfully rarely sick. And he mentioned the feeling whelmed, as he sometimes did time to time. And he always felt bad for feeling it and leaving when he needed a break.

Pops gave him a comforting smile and pat as he said ¨Humbug. Never feel bad for feeling whelmed. If you need a break, you need a break. Never be afraid we will be mad about that.¨ Ace nodded, feeling his throat constricting as he felt glad by that comfort and he was still somewhat on edge. ¨I know. I- it’s just hard to remember at times.¨ Pops nodded, giving another relieved smile. ¨It’s fine. It will take the time it needs. But we will always be here, son.¨ Ace nodded, feeling tears in his eyes again. But he managed to blink them away, he had cried enough or today.

\---x---

Ace had started to get into normal routines when he needed a break, and he now just left and returned. Sometimes he did it more often than other days, but it was usually easier to go back out again. He felt more confident that they weren’t going to be mad. He still had a breakdown now and then, although it was rare. It usually happened when he was whelmed and things got too much, usually when he got happy. But there had still been this one time when he suddenly broken down during dinner. No one had said anything to trigger it, nothing special had happened or anything either. He had just suddenly felt himself starting to cry, and couldn’t stop. Everyone had of course been shocked, and when Pops asked if anything was wrong, Ace had said he didn’t know, and that was the truth. He had no reason to break down, but he just did. Everyone handled it with ease, especially those who had been around it before. The others where a bit more concerned and gave him his space.

Ace really did feel accepted here, and he had really started to trust both Marco and Pops. He had started to speak more freely about things, even coming to Marco once and telling he hadn’t gotten his meds yet, as he was empty. He was really nervous and scared about it too, having already missed one dosage. But Marco had been really good about it and taken him to Bay, where he hadn’t dared to go, not wanting to bother Bay. They found the reason he hadn’t gotten the refill, was because he was supposed to be empty tomorrow, not today. And Ace, with a small guilty face, mentioned he had taken some as the emergency pill the last month, and that was most likely the reason.  Bay had accepted it, and did tell to never fear coming to her, but if it was hard, just go to Marco or Pops.

Ace was always surprised on how understanding they were. He never expected them to be that. And even on hard days, he felt more comfortable going out and speaking to Marco or Pops, it was good to have gotten those two as he trusted them this much, he never expected that either.

But it was good, he felt really loved here. He felt as if he fitted in the family, getting everything he could wish for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that’s the chapter, hope you enjoyed
> 
> And just a mall thing. Depression varies. I’ve taken one type, major/chronic depression, without suicidal thoughts. Everyone acts different to depression, some might be like this, hiding away, while some still pretends to be fine and everything slowly gets too much
> 
> And before anyone tell ‘why aren’t he crying more?’ or something. Not all with depression cry. Some cry a lot, and some have breakdowns like this. No depression is the same. And I hope people get this. this is not an explanation on everything, but hopefully gave a small look into how it can be like. and for good measurement, to make sure you read it, depression and sadness are two completely different things. I am so sick of hearing ‘Why can’t you just be happy?’ Like they think depression is a choice. It’s not
> 
> And about the sensitivity thing. Antidepressants often have a small therapeutic window. Meaning it goes quick before one reacts when the dosage gets too little or too big 
> 
> And now I am done with rambling and such. Hope everyone enjoyed, and I love everyone who left a review and even a request. To me it means people want to know more of mental health or for others to know more, and that is exactly what I want to do with this series, to give an insight and awareness to mental health
> 
> Please don’t be afraid to leave request on what mental health issue you want me to target. I’ve gotten a lot of them, but don’t be afraid to leave more
> 
> And if you have the time, please leave a comment on how you like the story 
> 
> And again, if you liked this story and mental health approach, please go read Psychosis if you haven’t


	3. Depression Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, here is another chapter in this mental health topic
> 
> I have said I am open to make new chapters in my mental health fics if people want to. And, I had a person asking for more of this and some specific scenes, one of which being when Ace ran out of meds and got unsure, as I mentioned in the last chapter
> 
> I will do other topics when I have the time, but it takes a small while to make these at times
> 
> But, thank you everyone for your support and how you like this series. It means more than everything 
> 
> This is more of a wrap-up and a bit of closure for Ace and everyone (There is still no pairing. Marco is just a good big brother and Ace looks up to him. But, you can choose how to view it yourself)
> 
> Hope you enjoy
> 
> Read and relax

 

Ace made a small unsure sound, seeing his pill bottle was empty. Bay hadn't given him anything or told him to come to the infirmary, which she had done before when he was empty; she actually always did it as he had a dose left. Maybe she had forgotten it? Ace shook his head. Bay wouldn't forget that, Ace was just being stupid, Bay would surely come get him soon. 

It was starting to get late now, and Bay might be busy. Ace just needed to wait; he still had until his last dosage for the night, before he went to bed or out to stay up. He could handle missing one dosage; he couldn't go and bother Bay. Ace tried to tell that to himself, stay calm, and act normal. He could do this. During supper, he did notice some people looking at him, which made him feel uncomfortable, but Ace tried to brush it off, to act calm, saying he was fine when Pops asked. He was fine, he was just acting stupid. When he was finished with supper, he went back to his room, sitting on the bed and having the covers over himself as he tried to relax. It was closing in on the last hour for him to take the pills, needing to take them before midnight, having a couple of hours to take them as it didn't matter much since he usually slept in the night.

When the clock was eleven, he was starting to feel unsure, his fingers trembling slightly. 

He couldn't go to sleep without taking the pills as that meant he would miss two doses; that was never good. Why hadn't Bay come to get him or given him more pills? Had she forgotten about him? Ace shook his head; she was probably only busy. Ace should maybe go and ask, but it was already late, and he didn't want to bother her. Maybe he should just wait until morning? Ace shook his head; he shouldn't do that. 

Ace looked at his door, letting out an unsure sound as he got up and headed out. Maybe he should try to do something. 

Ace walked out on deck, glad there weren't many around, barely anyone actually, no one close to him, which was good. Ace could feel his hands still tremble slightly and he felt really unsure. He wanted to go back to his room, he didn't like this, he didn't want to go ask and bother anyone. Ace shook his head; he shouldn't be thinking that, the people here liked him… right? Ace couldn't help but feel more and more unsure with each step he took, thinking he should just go back to his room. Bay would come get him when she had the time. But at the same time, he had a voice telling him he needed to try to do something. 

After a minute he stood in front of a door, and after another minute, he got enough courage to knock. But, the second he did knock, Ace regretted it at once. 

It was late, it was midnight in less than an hour, Ace shouldn't be out and bothering people. He was just about to turn around and head back to his room when the door opened, and a clearly tired Marco stood there, making Ace regret knocking even more. Maybe he had woken up Marco. "Ace, yoi?" Asked the first commander, looking at him with a small frown, which made Ace lower his head, using a hand to grasp his other hand. He didn't know what to say. Ace closed his eyes, trying to get the burning feeling away from his eyes. "I-  I’m sorry. I was just… I-." Ace couldn't even form a sentence, feeling his trembling increase and feeling his anxiousness and feelings getting the better of him as he felt tears start to fall down down his cheeks. Ace shouldn't have knocked.  

"Whoa, hey," Said Marco, sounding a bit shocked. "What’s wrong, Ace?" Marco sounded concerned, and he shouldn't be concerned, Ace shouldn't make him concerned. Ace tried to speak, but couldn't get past the first syllable. When he couldn't do that, he felt a hand moving to his shoulder, carefully guiding him inside the first commander's room, the door closing behind him. When the door was closed, Ace looked up at Marco, trying to get his emotions back in check. "I- I’m sorry for bothering you. I-." Marco shook his head, "No, it’s fine, yoi. It’s no bother, really. What’s wrong? Did anything happen?" 

Ace shook his head, trying to wipe some tears away. It was always so hard to stop once he had started. "N-no. I just- it- I-." Ace couldn't form a sentence, which made it worse as he was being stupid and using up time, using Marco’s time. He felt a hand coming to his face, carefully wiping some tears away, which made him look up at Marco, who had a calm look. "Take a deep breath, Ace. Just calm down, I’m not mad or anything, I’m worried." Ace nodded, trying to take a deep breath and calm down. After managing a half deep breath, he tried to speak again. "I- I didn't get my refill f- from Bay. I- I’m sorry for b- bothering you about it." 

Marco shook his head. "No, it’s fine, yoi. You didn't bother me or anything. Have you spoken to Bay?" Ace shook his head, trying to keep himself in check, feeling trembling in his hands and tears still falling down his cheeks. "N-no. I don't want to b-bother her. It’s late and she’s busy and I-," Ace cut off as he felt a hand wipe some tears away again, looking up at Marco, who seemed to have an understanding look. Marco slightly shook his head. "Calm down, yoi. It’s fine. I’m not mad, and Bay won’t be mad. You’re no bother, I promise. Why don't we go to Bay together?" 

Ace gave a nod, trying to wipe his tears away, he didn't want to go out on deck like this. "I- I would like that. J-just give me a second. I just-." Ace cut off as Marco took his hat, which hang over his shoulders, and placed it on his head. "There, yoi. Not many are out and they can’t see now." Ace gave a nod, giving a sniff. Marco was being really nice with this. 

When they headed out of Marco’s room, Ace grasped his hand again as he was still unsure. Marco was kind, but he didn't know about Bay; she might be mad. After taking a few steps, he felt Marco move a hand to hold around him on his shoulder, continuing to walk with him. "It will be fine. I promise she won’t be mad, yoi." Ace gave a nod, but still made an unsure sound between a few sniffs. He was still nervous and on edge, meaning he couldn't stop the tears. He didn't know how Marco knew that, how the other could promise it, but Ace tried his best to believe him. He hadn't lied before.

After a few minutes, they arrived at the infirmary. When they were in front of the door, Ace hesitated, feeling more unsure now. Marco gave him a reassuring look, before they walked in. 

When they walked in, the infirmary was mostly empty, just a few nurses here and there. As they were noticed by one of the nurses, who yelled out for Bay, Ace tried to look away from her office, not wanting to be here at all. It wasn't long before a door opened and he heard Bay’s heels clicking on the floor. "Commander Marco, Portgas, what brings you here?" Ace blinked, she didn't sound mad. When he dared to look up and towards the voice, he saw that Bay didn't seem mad, but had a more questionable look. She was looking at him, and Ace knew he looked awful, tears still streaming down his face and some small trembles in his hands. 

He decided he should try to speak. "I-, umm… I-." Ace shook his head as he moved his hands to his face, wiping at his eyes as he felt more tears coming on. Why couldn't he just say it, why did he have to be like this? He felt Marco moving a hand to his shoulder again as reassurance. "Ace hasn’t gotten his refill." Ace was really glad Marco came with him; it helped a lot, especially as he couldn't handle this right now, already way over the edge. He wanted to just go back to his room and hide under his blanket again, where it was safe. 

He heard Bay click her tongue, before heels moved again. "You should have enough for the first one tomorrow, the reason I haven't gotten you or given you a refill." Ace gave a nod as that made sense. He took a deep breath, wanting to try to at least explain. "I-, I’ve taken some extra at times..." Ace ended it with a small sound, feeling guilty for doing that. He heard Bay click her tongue again. "I see. That is fine, you are allowed to take as many emergency pills as you need. I will start and check up a day before from now on." Ace gave a nod, giving a sniff. He was glad Bay wasn't mad about it. It was probably stupid of him to think she or Marco would be mad, but he couldn't get the thought out of his head that they would be. 

He soon heard heels clacking and looked up to see Bay coming towards him with a bottle containing the refill. When she saw him looking at her, she gave him something akin to a reassuring look, which he knew she basically never did. "Have you already missed one dosage?" Ace gave a nod, not sure if he could say it, feeling bad for that. Bay gave a nod and handed him the pills. "Don’t be afraid to come here if it happens again, no matter what time it is. But, I understand that can be hard, so don’t be afraid to go to Commander Marco, or Pops, or any of the others." Ace gave a nod, giving a sniff as he wiped at his eyes again.

Bay gave them a nod, which they returned, before they left. When they were out of the infirmary, Marco gave him a smile and a pat on the back. "I said it would go fine, yoi." Ace gave a half-laugh and sob, before he nodded, sending a look at Marco. "Thank you." Marco gave a small chuckle, moving his hand to his shoulder and giving a half-hug. "It was nothing." Ace gave a nod and sheepish smile. To him, this was so much more than nothing. He tried to gather himself more and take some calming breaths, trying to stop the tears and wipe his eyes, glad Marco seemed to be following him to his room. 

When they got to his room, Ace gave a look to Marco again, feeling better as things had gone fine. "I-, Thank you again, it helped." Marco gave a chuckle. "It’s fine, yoi. I’m glad you got me. Sleep well now." Ace gave a nod, "You too." Marco gave him a small wave as he left, Ace returning it. Marco was a good friend, a good brother. 

When Marco was gone, Ace headed into his room and took his pills, taking one extra as he knew he would need it for tomorrow, knowing that day would be hard as he had completely missed one dosage and had a hard day, before he went to bed, feeling tired. 

\---x---

Marco gave a small sigh as he rounded a corner. He heard Ace go back into his room again, hearing a small sniff. 

He had been shocked when Ace was suddenly at his door earlier as Ace didn't knock on others’ door or anything like that. But, the second Ace had started to try and speak, winding up just stumbling across his words and crying, Marco knew something was wrong. He had gotten Ace into his room, so no one would overhear or see Ace like that. He knew Ace didn't like that. Marco was worried someone had done something as Ace usually wasn’t like that.

But, when Ace had explained, or at least said enough, Marco knew what was wrong. Ace apparently did not get his medication and had clearly missed at least one dosage, seeming to feel guilty and scared, hands shaking and tears just streaming down his cheeks. Marco had tried his best to say to say it was fine, that he wasn’t mad, coming up with the idea to go to Bay together, understanding Ace wouldn't do that alone, scared to bother the doctor, probably thinking he would be a bother or she would be mad. 

It always shocked him how different Ace was when he was like that; he was so shy and scared, nothing like he usually was. Ace really seemed like he thought Marco would be mad at him for not getting his refill from Bay, even more scared to go to Bay. He tried his best to be supportive as they went to the infirmary, it seeming to help a bit.

When they did get to the infirmary, Whiskey having called out for Bay and the doctor appearing from her office, Ace completely averted his gaze to everywhere but her, which was good as Marco saw Bay looked annoyed, most likely not liking he was there. Marco couldn't get injured so he understood that, but he wasn't there for himself. Before the doctor could bite out a remark, which she always did when he appeared in the infirmary, Marco made a small motion to Ace, who still had shaky hands and tears going down his cheeks. Marco could see Bay’s features softening at once, understanding why he was there. 

Bay had thankfully handled it calmly and more caring than he had ever seen her, but she knew about this more than him; she knew the do’s and don't’s. Marco was sure Ace couldn't handle anything that might be interpreted wrong, the reason Bay acted as calmly as she did and spoke in a calm manner. She even said she would check up on Ace more often and told Ace he could go to him or Pops if Ace found it hard to go to Bay. Marco was glad she understood why Ace had gone to him, scared to meet her or bother her. Ace had even been scared to go to him. 

After Ace had gotten the pills and they left, Marco continued to stay calm and glad Ace seemed to calm more down, seeming tired. Marco still decided to walk Ace to his room, just in case, keeping a small sigh inside when Ace thanked him. It was nothing to thank him for, he was just doing his job as Ace’s friend and big brother, but Ace seemed to have issues with that when he got like this, always blaming himself for everything and thinking he was a bother, which was as far away from the truth as possible. Ace wouldn't understand that now, but he would later.  

When he was sure Ace was safe in his room, just staying to make sure Ace didn't come back out, Marco turned around and headed to Pops’ room, knowing the man was awake. 

When he got there and knocked on the door, getting a come in, Pops was surprised to see him there, knowing it was his night off and he would try to sleep. The man hid a bottle of sake which he did see, and it made his eye twitch. But, he would take that later, he was here for something else. When Pops asked why he was there, Marco gave a small sigh and explained what had happened. Pops seemed concerned and worried about Ace, but gave a nod when he was finished. "I thought he seemed out of character during supper; this was probably why." Marco gave a nod. "Yes, yoi. He seemed so scared and guilty for ‘bothering’ me as he called it." 

Pops gave a nod, "He does that apparently; blame himself with everything and get scared." Marco gave a nod, "He does. His hands were even shaking; he couldn't even explain to Bay what had happened at first." Pops gave a nod and small sigh at that, "I’m glad he came to you, son." Marco gave a nod, "I am too. He would have been only worse tomorrow. Bay also mentioned he could come to you if he had issues with going to Bay himself." Pops gave a nod. "I will remember that if he shows up, in case that might be the reason." 

Pops gave a smile to him, "You sound to have handled it well." Marco gave a small chuckle. "I was shocked at first, but quickly realised something was wrong, yoi. Ace, at least, managed to explain to me what had happened." Pops nodded at that, giving a small chuckle himself. Marco stayed with the man a bit before he left to sleep, mentioning that Pops is  _ not  _ going to drink more tonight, which Pops gave a groan to. He hoped Marco hadn't noticed. With a stern glare, Pops agreed on it. After that, Marco went back to bed, going by Ace’s room and glad to see the kid sleeping calmly, tear tracks still on his cheeks. Ace would be better tomorrow. He just needed to relax now. 

When breakfast started the next day, Marco wasn't really surprised to see Ace wasn’t there. 

He had hoped Ace would be there, but he had missed a dose yesterday and had a lot of issues with it, almost missing two. From what he had gathered, it would take only 6 days for Ace to become really bad and shield himself away, as he had done when they found out. Marco hoped that would never happen again. When breakfast was finished and Marco thought about heading to Ace’s room and see how he was, he gave a small chuckle to himself when he saw Pops thinking the same and being a bit quicker than him, already heading to Ace’s room. 

None of them showed up at lunch, but at dinner both were there, Marco glad to see Ace was fine, maybe only a bit seclusive at times, grasping his hand occasionally. But, he was smiling and laughing, seeming to be okay. When Thatch had mentioned a prank, Ace had declined, which made the chef pout, but a glare from Marco had him lay off from bringing it up more and potentially guilt Ace into doing it. Marco had a feeling Ace still had some guilty feeling in him and wouldn't want to do much today. He would be better tomorrow, and they understood that. They tried their best to be understanding to Ace, Ace really seeming to appreciate it. He was even opening up more and more, which was good. 

They wanted to get to know this side of Ace better, so they would know more on how to act, although what they did seemed to work. They would learn as time went by too. 

\---x---

Ace ran with Thatch, trying to run away from the wrath of the first commander, having played a small prank on the man. Ace was a bit faster than Thatch, making so he was in front of Thatch by a foot. They knew Marco would be really mad, having played a bunch of small pranks the last days and this seemed to be the end of the phoenix’s patience, which Ace understood. But, he liked the normalcy of it and how it was always taken with humor later, after Marco had yelled and given punishment. It was worth it in the end, Marco was still a good guy; a good brother. 

As Ace turned to look in front of him, to be sure he didn't run anyone down, he came to a stop when he noticed Biggie there. 

Ace knew Biggie had been promoted to the main doctor on Moby 2, so he shouldn't be here at all. "Biggie?" Asked Ace, head tilted, not sure why the man was here. As Ace had stopped, Thatch ran into him, making Ace do a stumble. "Ace! Why you sto-." Thatch trailed off as he saw Ace had an unsure look, turning to look at Biggie too, understanding something was up. 

Biggie gave a smile and small chuckle. "Hi, Ace. Bay and I would like a word with you if possible." Okay, Ace _really_ didn't like that. Why would Biggie and Bay team up? Was anything wrong with him? "Ace, Thatch!" Started Marco, now catching up to them. "Wha-," "Is there anything wrong? ...Am I okay?" Said Ace unsurely, cutting Marco off, who now noticed his unsure look and also noticing Biggie. The first commander walked up to stand next to Ace, assessing him and Biggie. Biggie lifted an eyebrow. "Are you _asking_ _me_ if you’re okay?" Ace felt a bit reassured by that, as Biggie acting not too serious was good, but Ace was still unsure and worried. "I just… Why are you here then? Why do both you and Bay want speak to me?" 

Biggie gave a smile. "We just want to give you a suggestion. Nothing to worry about." 

Ace gave a nod. That was plausible, so it wasn't too scary then. And, the fact Biggie was as calm was good. But, there was still that small uncertainty there, making him still unsure, thinking that they said this to not make anyone react. "Okay. I can come and speak to you." Biggie gave a nod and smile, turning to head towards the infirmary. As Ace was on his way to walk after, a hand on his arm had him stop. 

Ace turned around to see Marco having stopped him. "Do you want me to join, yoi?" Ace did his best to give a smile, shaking his head. "It’s fine; Biggie’s with me. But thanks." Marco gave a nod, giving a smile as he let his arm go, making Ace able to walk with Biggie. Ace liked that Marco asked him if he should join; it was a nice motion in case Ace was too unsure; Ace really trusted Marco to help him when he was unsure, but he trusted Biggie more as the doctor knew him more.

As they walked towards the infirmary, they talked a bit, Ace telling he really like it here, and asked how Biggie was. Biggie said he really enjoyed being the head doctor at Moby 2, glad he could continue being a doctor, which was good; Biggie was a great doctor. They soon got to the infirmary and walked into Bay’s office, where the doctor was waiting for them. Ace sat down in a chair in front of Bay, Biggie sitting down in a chair next to Bay. 

When they were all seated, Bay looked at him, clicking her tongue. "Portgas. Biggie and I have been talking about some things, as I wanted to know how your issues with depression became as bad as it is now, knowing it wasn't as bad before." Ace gave a nod, that was true. Ace had been better before, the start after setting out, before he started on the narcolepsy medicine to keep him from falling asleep. Bay continued after he nodded.

"Your depression got worse, much more so, when you started on the narcolepsy medicine, and you do not need to decide now, but we want to propose to quit the narcoleptic medication, and eventually the depression medicine too." 

Ace blinked, looking at Biggie, who nodded, telling he heard right. Ace looked at Bay again. "Wha-. You want me to stop with the medication?" Ace was baffled by this, not wanting to stop as he didn't know how he would react to it. Biggie gave a nod. "It is, or most likely is, the reason your depression got worse, and you needed them since you were a captain. But, now you are a part of a crew; a family. Everyone has your back, so you're safe in case you have an attack." Ace gave an unsure look and sound, not liking this. "I.. I don't know." 

Bay gave him a calm look. "You do not need to decide now. We wanted to inform you we have thought of it, as it might be better for you." Ace gave a nod; he got that. Ace knew he was better generally before he started on the narcoleptic medicine. He still had bad days, but not nearly as bad as his bad days are now. "But… I will fall asleep, and eat and sleep and insomnia and-," Ace cut his rambling off as Biggie moved a hand to his shoulder, giving a reassuring look. "I know this might seem scary; it’s new and we’re asking suddenly. We know you will have narcoleptic attacks, we know you will eat more; we know all of that. You don't need to say yes now, or no, for that matter. Just think about it. Ask others you trust what they think." 

Ace gave a nod, he would try and think about it, maybe ask Marco and Pops what they think. Ace didn't like the idea, but he would think about it, Ace knew he didn't like new things; he usually reacted bad to it because of his depression and medication as it didn't work as well when he was stressed. "I’ll think about it." Bay and Biggie gave a smile, the latter moving a hand to his shoulder and giving a pat. "Good. Now, I suggest you go and relax a bit; you look on edge, which I understand. We didn't mean to scare you." Ace gave a small smile and nod. Biggie really knew him well. "I will. I’ll also think about it." 

Biggie gave a nod. "And, if you want to, Bay is okay with me staying here for a few days while you think and maybe decide." Ace gave a sheepish smile. "Could you..? I would like that if you could." Biggie gave a nod. "I can. Bay and I have talked it over. I can stay here for 4 days." Biggie gave him a small serious look. "Just because I leave back for Moby 2 in 4 days, does not mean you need to decide by then. Use the time you need." Ace gave a nod, Biggie knowing Ace would rush it to make it, but Ace would try not to. Biggie knew how he was. Biggie gave a nod and stood up, making Ace and Bay do the same. 

When they were up, Biggie moved and gave him a hug, Ace quickly hugging back. "I will be staying in a spare room in the infirmary.  _ Do not _ be afraid to come to me at any time,  _ ever _ ." Ace gave a nod, he would remember that. Ace needed to keep some of his emotions in check, now feeling how much he actually missed Biggie, missing these hugs and everything the man did. They soon let go and Ace gave a goodbye to Bay, before Ace left, heading to his room to relax, Biggie being right in saying he was on edge, thinking the worst. 

As Ace walked over the deck to his room, he noticed Marco was still scolding Thatch, the latter sending him a look and trying to get his attention, which Ace returned with a smile, or tried to, he was sure he failed as Thatch looked worried, before heading to his room. He barely caught a worried look from Marco, the man seeing Thatch trying to get his attention, most likely to plan a prank or not be alone in the punishment. Ace knew he should go and speak to Marco, to get whatever scolding and punishment the man gave Thatch, but didn't feel like being out right now, wanting to relax. He would be sure to go to Marco when he felt better, giving a small apology for the prank. 

When Ace got inside his room, he sat down on his bed and brought his covers to be around himself, also having it over his head, relaxing. Ace tried to think about what Bay and Biggie had said, trying to find any good reasons why he should think of saying yes. He  _ was _ scared to say yes, knowing he would have sleep attacks. He didn't know if his depression was as light as it was before, and seeing as he had been on the meds for almost 3 years now, he might be worse. But, if it wasn't, it would be better. Ace didn't know what to do right now. 

He needed to think. He would try and speak to Marco and Pops about it, but had no idea how to bring it up or what to even say. 

Ace stayed in his room for a couple of hours, before walking out of his room, knowing it was closing in on dinner. 

As Ace walked out of his room, going out on deck, he thought of heading to see if Pops had time to speak, he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. When Ace turned around, he saw Marco there. Ace gave a small smile, kind of glad the man was here, wanting to speak to him. Ace spoke before Marco could. "I… I’m sorry for the prank earlier." Marco blinked, giving a small frown, before giving an understanding look. "It’s fine, yoi, It wasn't so bad." 

Ace blinked. "You’re… not going to lecture me or give me punishment?" Ace didn't want to be lectured or given punishment, but he didn't want Marco to give him special treatment since he had been fetched by Biggie to speak to him and Bay, and was on edge now. Marco gave a small chuckle. "I gave a small talk to Thatch, and then gave him kitchen arrest, to keep him away from the deck for a bit, yoi. You have been in your room for two hours, the same amount I gave to Thatch." 

Ace gave a small nod, kind of seeing the reasoning with that. Marco gave a look to him. "How did it go with Bay and Biggie, yoi?" Ace gave a nod, on his way to say it went fine, when he remembered something. He looked at Marco. "Actually… could I maybe speak to you for a minute?" Marco gave a small worried look, before he nodded. "Of course, yoi. Want to head to my room? Or your room?" Ace gave a nod, "Your room is okay." Ace knew Marco’s room was closer than his. Marco gave a nod and they walked to it. When they got to Marco’s room, Ace sat down on the bed, bringing his legs up, feeling more comfortable that way. 

As Ace turned to look at Marco, a pillow was in front of him. 

Ace gave a sheepish smile, grabbing the pillow and hugging it, making him feel a bit better. He always did when he held a pillow or hid under the blankets, Marco knew him well, being a good listener and seeing what he did. Marco grabbed a chair and moved to to sit in front of Ace. "What do you want to speak about, yoi?" Ace moved his head to have his chin on the pillow he hugged, trying to think on how to start and say what he wants to say. 

"I-, Umm… Biggie and Bay told me they have spoke about… making me stop using the narcoleptic medication… and afterwards, maybe the depression one too, seeing as the narcoleptic medication is the reason for the… the reason the… my… chronic depression got worse." Ace didn't like to speak about it, never really liked it; it always made him unsure on how people would react, and Ace was already on edge. 

Marco gave a nod. "Why do they want you to do that, yoi?" Ace gave an unsure sound, trying to think how to speak. "Umm… There might be a chance I can… get better; not as bad as I am. But… I’m not sure." Ace hugged the pillow closer, feeling more unsure as this entire thing was on his mind and Ace didn't know what to think of it. 

Marco gave a nod, moving a hand to Ace’s knee as reassurance. "You’re not ‘bad’, yoi. This is not your fault. And, if this might be able to make you more happier, you should think of it." 

Ace nodded. "But… What do you think I should do?" Marco shook his head. "I won’t decide for you. I want you to be happy, yoi. You are clearly unsure about this, so you should think of it. I want you to be happy, and if this might help, think of doing it. But, don't if you don't want too." Ace gave a nod. "I-, ummm. I’m not sure since if I do this, it might not work; I might get worse. And, I will have sleep attacks, and eat a bit more, and have issues sleeping, and… yeah." Marco gave a squeeze on his leg, giving a smile. "You eating a bit more won’t be an issue, and we will help as we can if you can’t sleep. And, if it doesn't work, you can just start on the medication again." Marco gave a sincere look.

"And, we have your back if you have a sleep attack. You’re not alone, yoi." 

Ace hugged the pillow closer, moving to have his face down in it, hiding his face as he felt really happy with that, and he always felt the burning sensation in his eyes when he got happy when he was on edge; he always got really emotional. 

Ace heard some movement, the bed dipping a second later, a hand coming to his back and stroking, Marco knowing why he moved his face down in the pillow. "This is a big decision, yoi. And, not matter what you choose to do, I will stand by your choice. I want you to do what you think is right; I want you to be happy." Ace gave a nod, moving his head up and looking at Marco, ignoring the tear that fell down his cheek. "Thank you, Marco." Marco gave a smile, moving a hand to his cheek and wiping the tear away. "I’m not saying you should choose it, but I do believe you should consider it. But, choose what you want to." Ace gave a nod, he would do that. He would think about this seriously, glad to know Marco would be okay with what he chose.

Ace was on his way to speak, when there was a knock on the door, making Ace move his hands to his eyes, trying to rid of the tears in them. 

A second later, before Marco could tell whoever it was to leave, the door opened to reveal Thatch. "Marco, are y-." The chef cut off as he saw Ace on the bed, wiping at his eyes and having his legs up, holding a pillow. Thatch knew Ace was on edge when he sat like this. "I’m sorry for barging in. I came to say dinner is ready," Said the chef with a guilty look, understanding he interrupted something. Ace gave a nod, giving a small sniff, feeling a bit better, but still on edge. "I don't think I’ll come to dinner..." Ace didn't feel like being around many right now. Marco moved a hand to his back. "You sure, yoi? There aren't many there yet, and you can leave if it gets too much." Ace gave a slow nod, thinking, before looking at Marco, giving a smile. 

"I can try." Marco gave a smile and small chuckle, helping him stand up after Ace had moved the pillow away. Ace knew Marco didn't like when he skipped meals, but understood it if he did. Ace would try and be out today, and he would do his best to think about what he should do with the medication proposal. But, for now, going to dinner was his main thing. 

Ace felt proud when he was able to last the entire dinner, but stayed in his room after that, being inside his room until supper.

\---x---

Whitebeard gave a hum, looking at Ace that sat on his knee, back leaning against him as he tried to relax, legs up. Ace had just explained why Biggie was here on the boat, Biggie and Bay speaking to Ace, something Marco had told him, but no one knew why. Marco had also said that Ace looked on edge when he got out on deck after speaking to Bay, mentioning they had a conversation before dinner, but not what about. 

It was late now. The clock was closing in on midnight, the captain deciding to be out and in his chair for the night, seeing it was clear weather and it was hot out. He knew Marco would be mad, but it was fine. As he had relaxed, Ace had suddenly been there, asking to speak to him, which the captain said okay to, knowing few were out now this late, even fewer close to him, so no one would overhear. Ace had then explained how Bay and Biggie proposed an idea of stopping the medication. The narcoleptic ones first, then the depression ones. Ace also explained he might get better, or get worse. Ace said he would have sleep attacks, eat more, and some other things as he rambled. It was clear there was a lot on Ace’s mind. 

Whitebeard moved a hand to be closer to Ace, resting next to his body and letting Ace rest an arm on it. "This is a big decision, son. I can’t choose for you; only you can choose." Whitebeard halted for a second as he tried to think of the best way to get his words out for Ace. "But, I see no reason you shouldn't try. We can handle your sleep attacks, we will protect you from harm. There is no reason thinking about the food one; you are going to eat until you are no longer hungry. We will help you all we can. And, it might make you happier in the end, but it also might not. It’s a chance game." Whitebeard gave a smile at Ace.

"But, you are one to take chances. And, you won’t lose too much on it. If it does not work, you can go back to now. But, I do understand if you don't want to do it; it is a big decision. Choose what you think is right. For me, I won’t care about which one you choose; you will always have my support. You are my son." 

Ace gave a nod, not facing him, leaning on his hand that was next to Ace. Whitebeard carefully moved his thumb to stroke Ace’s back, knowing Ace had been on edge a lot this day. Not only from the conversation with Biggie and Bay, but with thinking of this and talking about it. The captain knew Ace often found it hard speaking about things like this, making him be on edge more. Whitebeard wanted to make sure Ace knew he would support Ace no matter what. But, if there was a chance for Ace to be more happy, he did hope Ace tried that.

After a minute, he heard a small sniff from Ace, feeling something wet on his hand where Ace’s head was, Ace moving a hand to his face. After doing a wiping motion, Ace spoke up, voice a bit raw from the emotions. "Could you tell a story?" Whitebeard gave a smile, using his thumb to stroke Ace’s head for a second. "Of course, son." 

Whitebeard started a story from long ago, a story he had heard when he was starting to sail, about a man doing the impossible. After half an hour, he noticed Ace had gone slack, knowing he had fallen asleep. The captain stopped the story as Ace was asleep, moving a hand to his jacket, carefully moving a sleeve to be over Ace as a makeshift blanket. Ace shifted a bit, before he settled, still asleep. 

Whitebeard gave a chuckle. "Goodnight, son." He said as he closed his eyes, going to relax too. He hoped Ace chose what he wanted to choose himself.

\---x---

Ace gave a breath, knocking on the door to the room in the infirmary Biggie was staying at, hoping the man was there, wanting, and needing, to talk to the man. 

He had thought a lot the last day, thinking what he wanted to do and what both Marco and Pops had said, also having a few more small talks with the two. He was still a bit confused, not completely sure, the reason he was here now. He had tried to get enough confidence to do this. It was easy for him to go to Biggie, he was the one Ace knew the best, but this was something he was nervous about. 

After a few seconds, the door opened, Biggie standing there, giving a smile to him.

“Ace, how are you? Come in.” Ace gave a nod, walking into the room, Biggie closing the door behind him. “I’m okay. Normal day. You?” The man gave a chuckle. “I’m good. This place is  _ much _ bigger than Moby 2, but it’s a nice place, and Bay is a good doctor; she knows a lot.” Ace gave a nod, glad the man thought this place was nice. Ace moved to sit down in a chair, Biggie sitting down to, the man looking at him. “Now, I have a feeling you’re here for a reason.” He gave a nod, using a few seconds to figure out how to speak, what to say. “I- I’ve been thinking the last two days- and spoken to a couple people- about the medication thing. What do you think?” The man gave a hum. 

“What I think? I think you should choose. But after that, I think you should try. That does not mean you should, but that you should think about it. There is a chance, actually a big one, that it will be easier for you.” 

Ace gave a nod. He hadn't heard that, that there was a big chance it would be easier and better for him, that was a good thing. He had thought a lot, and Marco and Pops had been a good help, and they didn't know this, they only know what Ace had managed to say- which wasn't much- but they had managed to be a big help still. He took a breath and looked at Biggie, having decided, in a way, already. He just needed the small push to say it. That was always the hardest, to say it. He looked at Biggie.

“I want to try it. To stop with the medication.” 

The man gave a smile. “That’s good to hear. What made you decide it?” Ace gave a nod, he was sure Biggie asked to make sure he had decided himself. “Marco and Pops gave good help. They said it might be worth it, and if it didn't work, I could just go back to this- that it’s a chance game- and that when I have sleep attacks… they have my back.” Ace smiled as he said the last sentence, making the man smile and give a chuckle. “That’s good to hear, and they are right. They do have your back, both literally and figuratively.” He gave a chuckle himself. That was right, he had the mark on his back. That fit perfect. People would know Ace was a part of this crew if he had an attack off the boat, meaning many would just leave him alone. They had a big reputation and many was afraid of them. 

Biggie gave a smile. “Now, when would you like to try and start?” Ace gave a small fidget. “I… I had sort of decided before I came, so I haven't taken the Narcolepsy one for the morning…” 

Biggie gave a chuckle. “You are like this, you know? You still ask what to do, after deciding already, and if I had said no, you would still have said you wanted to try.” Ace gave a chuckle of his own. “Yeah, I guess you're right.” The man nodded. “You also can’t just quit on the day, but only take half-doses the rest of the day and tomorrow, even the morning one, okay? And we can try and lower the depression one in 2 days.” Ace gave a nod, that sounded like a good plan. 

He was ready for this. 

He spoke a bit more to Biggie, before they said goodbye, Biggie going and informing Bay about this, while Ace went where he knew he would go, to Marco, and told him what he had decided. He would have gone to Pops, but he was still in his room, and would tell the man later, maybe tonight. Marco was awake now, always being awake in the morning, unless he had the night shift, which he didn't have. He felt proud about this, and wanted to tell others, especially Marco and Pops. 

As he was walking to Marco’s room, he noticed the man out on deck, standing by the railing, cup of coffee in hand. The clock was barely 6, so many was still waking up. Marco would always be awake and ready for the day, not being morning grumpy as many was. 

He walked over to Marco and stood beside him at the railing, also looking out at the sea, the sun starting to rise above the horizon now, making the sky and water look amazing. The man moved to look at him, before taking a sip of his coffee. “You're up early, yoi.” Ace gave a nod. “Yeah. I’ve just been in the infirmary and speaking to Biggie.” The first commander sent a small look at him at that. “And what did you two speak about?” Ace gave a smile. “I decided to try, try and stop the medication.” 

Marco gave a chuckle, looking at him again. “That’s good to hear. What did the man say to that?” Ace gave a small chuckle. “He was fine with it, helping with the last push, although I had kind of decided before I spoke to him.” Marco gave a nod. “When will you start lowering the dosage, yoi?” He gave a hum. “I’m already lowering the Narcolepsy one, and the depression one in 2 days.” He was still nervous about this, but was sure everyone would do their best to help. That, and Biggie was still here for a few more days, maybe a week since he had decided to try. 

The first commander gave a hum. “That sounds like a good plan.” The man gave a small smile to him. “I am sure it will go fine, even if it doesn't work.” Ace gave a nod, he hoped as well, and it was good Marco thought the same. That did mean a lot, even more so as he seemed happy by this. Marco sent a small look at him. “Pops is also awake, yoi.” Ace blinked. “He is?” Marco nodded. “Yeah. I just spoke to him.” That meant he could tell Pops now! He went away form the railing and started heading for the captain’s room, giving a smile and wave to Marco. “Thank you, Marco! See you later!” Then he ran towards the room, wanting to tell Pops. He felt happy about this. 

As Ace ran away, heading towards Pops’ room, Marco gave a chuckle to himself, leaning on the railing. 

He knew Ace had decided something when he said he had spoken to Biggie, and seeing the happy look he had, and the fact he had gone to him, had him think it was he had decided to try.  He was glad Ace had decided to try, it could be good for him, at least if it went as they hoped. But even if it didn't, it wasn't a total loss, Ace would just go back to how he was now, on the medication. But they had at least tried if it didn't work. He had also mentioned Pops was awake, sure Ace wanted to tell the news to the man too. Pops wasn't usually awake this early, but they would have a commander meeting in 2 hours, and the man liked to be awake for that, in case someone needed to tell him anything before the meeting, which many did. 

That being said, Marco moved away from the railing and headed to the infirmary, going to ask if Biggie could join in on the meeting for a small bit. 

If Ace was going to stop the medication, it meant it could go bad, and all the commanders needed to know about that, so they knew and could look out for signs it went bad. No one was better at the signs than Ace himself- but he was sure he didn't want to tell- and Biggie, the reason Marco hoped the man could join. When he came to the infirmary, Biggie was talking to Bay, the latter turning to look at him. “Commander Marco, good you're here, we have some news.”

Marco gave a nod. “I know, yoi. Ace just spoke to me. That’s why I’m here.” He turned to look at Biggie. “We should tell all the commanders about this, so they know and can help look for signs it goes bad. Could you join the meeting we have in 2 hours? You don't need to tell everything or much, just the signs.” The man gave a nod. “That sounds like a good idea, I would love to join for that.” Marco gave a nod, glad about that. They needed to be able to do their best to help Ace.

He spoke a bit more to the two doctors, before he went on with his morning, making sure the commanders were awake and taking any notes from those who had anything to say or wanted to be spoken about at the meeting, both from commanders and from the others in the family. 

When the meeting was starting, everyone present, even Biggie, Jozu was the first to comment why the doctor was there, Pops telling why. Everyone looked shocked, but happy, Ace was going to try and stop the medication, the doctor telling how it could go, both good and bad, also telling what to look after when he stopped the medication. What they should look for was small things that they didn't know, that when they spoke to Ace, or Ace to them, see where he looked. If he didn't looked at them, that could be a sign, same with fidgeting, hands fidgeting, and in the worse states, trembling in hands, stuttering without reason, and the locking away- but not because of needing a break, that would happen. 

The doctor also said that he would be on the boat for a week’s time, and they could ask him if they wondered about something, or if they had a concern about Ace. But, they could ask Ace too, also ask Bay. It was good help to hear this and get to know what to look after. Biggie also said signs would come within 3 days of lowering the dosage, so to keep an extra eye ou then, but always have an eye on Ace anyway. He also told what would happen when the narcolepsy kicked in again, that he would have small things like eating more, and sleep a bit more, but also less, to was complicated. That, and he would have sleep attacks, when he would just randomly fall asleep, even in the middle of doing something, and how to react and handle that. It was good to hear this, they needed it.

When the man was finished, and had answered a few questions on what things looked like, the man left, the commanders and Pops speaking a bit more about how to look after and what to do if they were worried. They decided that if they were worried, to first ask Ace, then Marco or Pops, if it was something small. But if it was bigger, to go straight to Marco or Pops, or to Bay or Biggie. Everyone agreed on that. The meeting after that went by fine, and everyone seemed happy Ace would try and stop the medication. 

When the meeting was over, many did go and tell Ace this was good and they were glad he had decided to try. Ace did look happy the others were glad he would try and stop the medication. Marco was sure Ace was still unsure about this, and this could be a good thing, they needed to try. 

There didn't happen much the next couple of days, Ace not even having a sleep attack. But, from what Biggie said, that wouldn't happen for about a week, still taking the narcolepsy medication still, although he took much less than he used to, but it would have an effect. 

When Ace did start to stop on the depression medication, Ace looked a bit nervous, but they did their best to keep his spirits up. 

This was a big thing, and Acce would react to it, but hopefully not bad. 

The next two days went fine, Ace not getting any signs of anything worrisome, which was really good. They didn't put much weight on asking Ace if he was fine, going to try and act normal about this, making it easier for Ace.

If it continued like this, it would be perfect. 

\---x---

Thatch walked towards the infirmary, Marco and Pops beside him. Thatch had prepared breakfast, and when he saw Ace wasn't there, he had asked Marco if he knew where Ace was. Ace wasn’t in his room, which Marco just came from, which had them worried. Marco had said Biggie, Ace’s old crewmember and doctor, was here on the ship, and Ace might be with him as the kid was worried about the medication thing, that he was trying to stop using them. They had met Pops on the way and he had joined them in heading towards the infirmary. 

When they did get to the infirmary and walked in, the chef felt relieved to see Ace there, sitting at a table. 

Ace looked okay. Well, mostly okay. He looked tired, and the captain thought it was because it  _ was  _ early. The fire kid was sitting with someone, Thatch recognizing it to be someone from Ace’s old crew, Malik, if he remembered. He looked tired too. As they got more in the infirmary, Thatch noticed Pops and Marco stopping a bit, but Thatch continued walking, not seeing the hesitant and worried look they sent at Ace. When Thatch was closer, he gave a smile at Ace. "Yo. We were worried when we didn't find ya, Ace. It’s breakfast soon." Thatch was expecting Ace to nod or something, for Ace to say he would come soon or say he might come. But, what happened was not what he expected.

Ace let out a sob, tears starting to go down his cheek as he moved his head to the table, starting to cry and sob. 

Thatch froze, no idea what he did wrong. Malik gave an annoyed sigh to him. "Thank you! I just used  _ two hours _ to make him stop crying, and you come and  _ ruin  _ everything." Malik then moved a hand to Ace’s back. "It’s okay Ace, please stop crying." Ace continued to sob, shaking his head, still crying, something obviously being wrong and Thatch making it worse. "I didn't-, I-, sorry." There was a glare from Malik, making Thatch feel even more guilty. A second later, a door opened and Bay and Biggie came out of it. Malik gave a relieved breath. "Thank God, Biggie. Please help. The chef ruined it." Thatch wanted to sink into a hole, this obviously being his fault. Biggie gave a calm look and sat down next to Ace, moving a hand to his back and trying to comfort the crying kid. 

As Biggie did this, Bay looked at them, "I think you should leave. Especially Commander Thatch. Ace is in no state to speak to anyone right now. I can allow Pops and commander Marco to be here; Ace likes and trusts you." Thatch felt even worse at that, now understanding he wasn't trusted as much as Marco. Thatch had made Ace break down more than one time, and he still hasn't learned. He wasn't a good big brother; he was a horrible one. "I-, I’m sorry, I didn't mean to. I’ll leave." Thatch hung his head a bit as he left, not wanting to make Ace worse; he had been doing good at this point. 

When Thatch got out of the infirmary, he stopped and punched the wall, feeling bad for not doing his job as a big brother right; he should able do better. 

After a second, the door opened and showed Malik there. When Malik saw Thatch there, he gave a sigh. "Listen, commander Thatch, I’m sorry for saying that. It’s just been a  _ long _ morning as I’ve used  _ 3 hours _ to comfort Ace. He’s having a  _ really _ bad day." Thatch gave a nod. That made him feel a bit better, knowing it wasn't entirely his fault. "It’s okay. But, I shouldn't have spoken like that." Malik shook his head, moving a hand to massage his face. "You could have said  _ anything, _ and he would have broken down. It’s just  _ really bad _ today." 

Thatch gave a nod. That was a bit comforting. "It’s okay, I get it, I think. I still shouldn't have spoken." Malik gave a nod, starting to walk away, hand still massaging his face, giving a breath. "I’m going to bed now. I’m dead tired." Thatch gave a nod, thinking the man had been awake long with Ace; he did look tired. "Sleep well, Malik." Malik gave a nod, using a hand to wave at him. "Thank you, Commander. Have a good day." 

Thatch gave a breath as he felt a bit relieved, but still felt bad. Pops and Marco had most likely stopped for a reason, knowing Ace better. 

Thatch would make sure to try and get to know Ace better so he could be there for him. 

\---x---

Marco move and sat down next to Ace, where Malik had been sitting, not sure why Ace was this emotional. 

Marco had seen something was wrong with Ace when he walked in, which Thatch didn't seem to get, but it was still a big reaction to just break down like that for Ace, just by Thatch speaking. Ace had never reacted that bad before. Marco could also see Thatch was guilty by the reaction, feeling really bad by Malik and Bay’s words. Marco would make sure to speak to Thatch later and tell him Ace usually wasn't this bad. There had to be something up. Marco’s first thought being that it was a reaction to the fact he was starting to stop going on the medication. But, Ace had been so well up until now. Pops took a seat next to Biggie, giving a concerned look at Ace. 

After a few seconds, Biggie gave a sigh. "Ace has a fever; he get like this then. It’s just like all of his mental barriers are just gone. We’re think he got the fever because of all the stress." 

Marco gave a nod, moving a hand to also stroke Ace’s back, hoping to help. He had a feeling it would take time to make Ace stop crying based on Malik’s words. He knew Ace had been stressed the last couple of days. Not only by the fact he was nervous with the fact he agreed to try and stop the medication, but also this being the third day where he had a bit less of the depression medication, which probably didn't help. 

Biggie moved a hand to Ace’s head, moving some hair out of his face that was on the table. "It’s fine, Ace. Just try to relax and calm down." Ace gave a nod, the crying not letting up, Ace not looking able to stop. Marco moved a hand to Ace’s neck, carefully stroking and massaging, knowing Ace liked that. Marco felt Pops giving out a small bit of Haki, as he often did to comfort and calm them, Marco sure that would help a bit. 

After a few minutes, Bay came by and gave a couple of pills to Biggie, before walking off, seeing they could handle this. Biggie moved his hand away from Ace’s head. "Here, Ace. This might help now." The doctor then held the pills out, Ace lifting his head to take them. Ace looked close to devastated, eyes red, tears going down his cheeks, cheeks red and giving a small sob now and then. After Ace had taken the pills, he moved his head down to the table again, continuing to try and gather himself. Marco guessed Ace had gotten pills earlier to help, but those hadn't worked. Marco really hoped this would work. Marco kept his hand on Ace’s neck, carefully moving his fingers to comfort Ace. 

It took almost an hour, but Ace managed to stop most of the crying. But, his eyes were still teary and red, cheeks a bit tinted. Ace really did look sick, maybe more so than he really were. Ace only had a fever, but he seemed to react bad to it. 

When Ace was more calm, he managed to tell he just felt way overwhelmed, not really sure why, but he just did, the reason he had gone to the infirmary, to Biggie. Meeting Malik on the way and he had joined, seeing something was up. Ace still had blank eyes, but managed to speak, which was good. Biggie then explained to them that this could happen, and it wasn't because Ace reacted bad to stopping the medication, it just got a bit too much today, most likely because of the fever, but that would fix itself. The doctor did say Ace would get a sort of ‘emergency’ pil. which wasn't his normal medication, but one he got when he was sick, which worked faster, but also stopped working faster, just a temporary solution for now. 

Marco did agree on that, that Ace shouldn't go back to scratch because he had a fever, which made everything a bit more. Ace did stay in the infirmary for a bit, Biggie, Pops, and Marco with him, just helping Ace calm down. When he was more calm, also getting a bit of food from Thatch, who came and dropped it off, Ace headed back to his room to relax, Biggie joining a bit in the beginning, before he too returned, saying Ace had fallen asleep, seeming better. Biggie did say this- even though it looked bad- was a good thing. Ace didn't react much out of his normal way to a fever, which was a really good sing he didn't react bad to the stop of the medication, which was really good news in Marco’s opinion. 

When it was closing in on lunch, Ace didn't appear in the galley, which didn't surprise the first commander. 

He would normally have gone and told the kid it was lunch, but he was sure Ace wanted to relax instead, and would let Ace be for now. Biggie had said it would take time for Ace to compose himself, going to be better when the fever went away, which most likely would be today. He had spoken to Thatch, telling he didn't do anything wrong, explaining what Biggie had said, which calmed the fourth commander down, obviously thinking he was at fault. He also said Bay was tired too, having had an all nighter because of someone being sick, and therefore snapped at him. The chef understood that, but still would apologize to Ace, going to make something extra for him under dinner. 

When dinner did arrive, Ace wasn't seen as it started, but appeared closer to the end, looking much better, but somewhat seclusive, but it was fine. He was here at least. 

Ace did converse with them, a bit less than he usually did, but it was fine. Ace did have a bad day in a way, being stressed which made a fever. As Ace ate, Thatch came with a special made apology cake, being chocolate, which was Ace’s favorite, and the kid seemed to really enjoy it, telling it wasn't Thatch’s fault, which it wasn't, but the chef still gave it to Ace, feeling he should apologise. Ace did seem to get more himself after that, food most likely helping and everyone being normal about it, just the fact Thatch feeling guilty, which was okay. 

Things would be fine. They just needed to continue like this, and it did look good from what Biggie said, which was everything they hoped for. 

The next few days went fine, Ace seeming like himself, having a few days where he looked a bit seclusive. 

Marco had had a few commanders, even a few from different division, especially the second where Ace was in, who was worried for Ace at days. Those who had asked Ace if he felt fine, did say Ace had said he felt fine, but they were unsure, or just wanted to tell him about it, which he was okay with. He was glad the family cared for Ace, and was sure Ace thought the same, as long as it didn't become too much. 

There had only been a few things the others had reacted to, which was once when Ace had been away for an entire day, being in his room, which had 3 different ones approach him, Pops telling he had had a few too. That, and Ace had been fidgeting a few times, but nothing too bad. There hadn't been any reason to do anything, or even involve Biggie, who also had a few visitors, which the man found funny and nice, glad people cared. 

Ace had had 3 breakdowns the last 5 days, two which were because things just got a bit hectic for Ace, being stressed or overwhelmed, and broke down when things either to to much, or he got a chance to relax or just got emotional, but it wasn't anything bad, just a small breakdown. One breakdown had also been because someone- Thatch- had messed up and did a prank on Ace, which was to target Ace, but it went foul, making him breakdown and just be on edge that day. The chef felt  _ really _ guilty about it, and he had been sure to speak to the chef, same with Pops and Biggie. It was a stupid prank, going on to make the kid feel unsure in a way, confusing him, and then making it worse by telling he had messed something up. The entire thing was stupid and the man promised to never do it again, which was good. 

When it had been 8 days since Ace had started to stop the medication, he had just suddenly fallen down on deck, seeming to just fall unconscious, making everyone out panic. 

Well, almost everyone, not Malik. The former Spade Pirate had just said to not panic, which had many mad, before the man had just taken a lone feather on the ground from seagull, using it to make the kid sneeze, which was a fiery one. The pirates had then realised this was a sleep attack, really proving it could happen at any point. They hadn't really believed that to be honest. It was weird to see that, but calming to know it was normal. Ace did feel bad about worrying everyone, but Marco said it was since they had never seen it before, it had nothing to do with Ace, so he shouldn't feel bad, or anything about it. Ace did accept it, although he still looked a bit shy of it. 

When they told Biggie about it, he said that it was kind of good it had happened, to know the medication was now out of his body. That, and Ace would get more used to it again, and could, at times, tell when an attack was coming on, meaning he could avoid most damage from falling, but it usually always went fine. 

Many was now worried at having Ace close to the railing, scared he would have an attack and fall in. Marco did get that concern, but they couldn't baby Ace and keep him away from everything that could be dangerous. As Biggie said, Ace had sailed on his own, as a captain, for a year without the narcoleptic medication, meaning he had attacks, and he was still fine. That was something that calmed many, and they let him go about his day normally, some more reluctantly than others. 

After two weeks, Ace was completely off both medication, not reacting bad to it, making everyone happy, and have a party to celebrate it, everyone happy on Ace’s behalf, who looked happy himself. 

Marco was glad things had gone fine. There was a chance Ace still could have a setback, but that was really rare, and would most likely not happen. Biggie was supposed to leave now, but Marco asked him to stay for a few more days, and when he told why, the man agreed, wanting to be here when they asked Ace. They had spoken about this for long, having postponed it as Ace would try and stop the medication, but they would now try and ask Ace, going to tell it wasn't because he was now off the medication. This had been a thing of discussing for almost a month now.

They would ask Ace to become the new second commander, the spot which had been open for long. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the chapter, hope you enjoyed 
> 
> I know the end was a bit rushed, but it was becoming way too long. I do hope it was good and that you found it interesting. This was made to completely wrap up the story and give a bit closure to tell it went fine, one can stop medication, especially if the depression comes from something and that is stopped to. One can also stop if it’s also depression without a reason, but not everyone can unfortunately, so don't tell people to stop. And always do this with the help of a psychiatrist and/or doctor
> 
> If you have the time, I would greatly appreciate feedback. Also don't be afraid to leave a request for my next mental health topic, or send a PM
> 
> Also, if you’re interested and have it and maybe want to share something or anything with me, come join my Discord server. It’s called Azuruko’s Fiction. It has a small channel for all my stories, and one main one, but there is one for the mental health series, where you can leave comments, or leave a request. You can also join the channel and add me as friend and leave comments or request that way. (Instant invite: https://discord.gg/6hzMhbR)


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